i am not my own

Slavery.

It has existed throughout all of time, and is at its peak in our culture today.

A slave is defined as: "a person legally owned by another and having no freedom of action or right to property."

In the Old Testament, the people of God were held in captivity in Egypt. They were displaced and forced against their will to work for the Egyptians. For centuries, all they knew was slavery. They had never tasted freedom and did not know that it was even possible. They got so used to living in captivity and being slaves, that when they were set free they wanted to go back to Egypt!

Imagine how you would feel being set free from captivity. If you were locked in a cage, forced to do things you did not want to do, received beatings and abuse, were starved and daily mocked and persecuted. Then one day, someone comes and says, "You're free. Go live free."

I imagine, at least for me, that would wreck my heart and I wouldn't know what to do or how to feel. This has happened for me. The past twenty years I have lived in captivity to the lies of the enemy and have been living under the weight of the shame and guilt he has placed on me. Then, when I moved to Alabama 7 months ago to do Highlands College, Jesus gave me freedom from absolutely every lie I have ever believed. Gone. The power of those lies is gone, but it is still a daily choice to live and walk in the Truth of God's Word and not what I have gone on believing my entire life. I have to choose, everyday, to believe that I am good enough and have what it takes to walk in all that God has called me to be and not to believe that I am a failure and not worthy of love or the call of God on my life.

Slaves do not have a say so. They don't have their own opinions. They don't have their own rights. They don't know who they are because from the point of being enslaved, they are told who they are. They don't know what to do because they are constantly being told what to do.

The Israelites did not know what to do or how to live, because they had never been taught! They were so dependent on their captors that they did not even know how to treat a wound. Therefore, the law of the Old Testament was given so that they could have direction and guidance on how to live, even in the smallest details of life. The Law was God's way of taking care of His people and teaching them how to live!

They didn't know how to be Israelites. They did not know how to be the people God created them to be in His original plan. All they knew was slavery and Egypt. They had to be taught who they were and how to walk in the life God destined them for.

When you live your whole life as a slave, you develop what is called the Slave Mentality. You depend on other people to tell you what to do, who you are, and what you are worth.

We are all born into the sinful nature. Sin is slavery. We all, to one degree or another suffer from a slave mentality.

The journey to freedom is not found in the journey out of Egypt, no, God has already brought His people out of Egypt. The journey of freedom is to get the Egypt out of you.

Egypt is seen in the hooks of the enemy and the world that have dug themselves into our hearts, minds and spirits. Eventually, as with the body, if something is embedded in the flesh for a long period of time, scar tissue will begin to grow around it and it will become more deeply embedded and harder to remove.

The same is true for spiritual hooks. Take one little lie that the enemy whispers to your mind one time. Just once. All it takes is one thought and the door is open, you either choose to leave it open or to slam it shut. If you open the door and begin to think about the original thought, eventually they become your own thoughts that you believe, and not the enemy's one tiny little thought he started out with. It becomes a belief. Your beliefs determine the way you think, feel and live. If the enemy can get us to entertain his planted thoughts, he throws the ball in our court and we play his game. But we must slam the door, lock the door, lock the deadbolt, and put up the chain the very second he comes knocking, leaving absolutely no room for the enemy to enter our thoughts.

Some of us believe things for so long, that even if it was originally a lie, it masquerades itself as being truth. I have lived in fear my whole life. Fear is a lie, but it feels like reality. When I got my first taste of freedom from fear, I didn't know what to do with myself! I thought, "Wait, I'm not afraid. My life is good. Things aren't going wrong for once....There is something wrong with this! What is going on?! There is no way there is nothing going wrong! Something is always going wrong!"

I got comfortable with my cage of fear. I believed every lie of fear the enemy had fed me since childhood. When my cage was unlocked, and I stepped outside, I felt like I needed to immediately run back inside and shut the door. Why? I was comfortable. Fear gave me an excuse to not live up to all that God has made me to do and to be. Fear was my reality. It was my Egypt.

Every step away from the cage I take God taking one more hook out of my heart and mind. It is taking the Egypt out of me. God has already taken me out of Egypt, and it is a never-ending, lifelong process to get the Egyptian hooks out of me.

Every time I get up to speak in front of a group of people, every time I say no to the enemy's lies, every time I speak up when something isn't right, every time I pray in front of people, every time I look in the mirror and can see myself the way God sees me as altogether lovely. Every time I take one more step away from Egypt, God takes more of Egypt out of me. I am walking out the process of being free. I am free, and I am learning to walk out that freedom.

I am learning and discovering each day more of who God is, and in turn, He is showing me who I am. I am no longer a slave. I am free. I am dead to the flesh and the worldly, sinful nature. I have no rights when it comes to captivity. I cannot live in the captivity that Christ died to set me free from any longer.

We are dead men, alive because of the Spirit of God and the power of Christ that raised Him from the dead that is breathing and causing our hearts to beat for His glory. Dead men don't look back to the past, but their eyes are always looking up - eyes locked on God.

What are the hooks of Egypt that are still stuck in your heart and mind? What pieces of Egypt are still dwelling in your heart? In what ways are you still a slave? Ask the Lord to search your heart and show you the areas you are still allowing yourself to be kept in slavery to, and then ask Him to free you and take the hooks out. The process of deliverance is lifelong and constant, just be like the dead men and keep your eyes locked in with the eyes of God and He will guide you and walk you completely out of Egypt and into the Promised Land.

one hundred things. some of them matter, some of them don't

1. I love Jesus..
2. I want everyone to know Jesus' love.
3. I love Mexicans. I consider myself Mexican at heart.
4. If I could live off of chocolate, I would.
5. I have never been overseas.
6. I'm a writer.
7. My favorite color is purple.
8. I have a husky named Macchiato.
9. I am a Starbucks addict.
10. I have repelled off of a 125 foot cliff.
11. I used to be bulimic. Jesus healed me.
12. I'm in ministry school. I will use my life to spread the Kingdom on earth.
13. I love cherry limeades from Sonic. I haven't had one since I moved to Alabama.
14. I'm by no means an artist, but I love to paint.
15. I'm a sweatpants, hoodie and pony tail kind of girl.
16. My bedroom is bright orange and the ceiling is hot pink.
17. I sleep with a dolphin pillow pet named Darius.
18. My life verses are Joshua 1:9 and Jeremiah 1:5.
19. I am terrified of tornadoes and live smack dab in the middle of the state that gets the most.
20. I spent 5 years in a Hispanic church as one of 5 white people in the church. I've never felt so at home or part of a family at a church than I did then.
21. My best friend lives in Alaska. I miss her everyday.
22. My other best friend, Liz, is starting her teaching career this summer. I am so proud.
23. I am Pastor Kellen's little sister. I have been asked roughly 5,000 times. Yes. Its true.
24. I once wrote a 40 page research paper on youth ministry.
25. I like water and its the main thing I drink. My nalgene is on me at all times.
26. Honestly, I like to enjoy an occasional girly drink with my girlfriends.
27. My favorite scent is cucumber melon.
28. I wear Curve perfume.
29. I speak, write and understand Spanish fluently.
30. I wear an "iCan" bracelet that my spiritual dad gave me. I haven't taken it off since he put it on my wrist 4 months ago.
31. I have 7 brothers and sisters. I am the youngest.
32. I adore my family.
33. I managed to get three A's from the hardest English professor at my college back home. I am incredibly proud of this accomplishment.
34. I am currently reading Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge.
35. <<----My high school class rank out of 300ish.
36. My TOMS stink and have tons of holes, but I still think they're the most comfortable shoes in the world.
37. I play guitar.
38. I love hiking and miss my Colorado mountains terribly.
39. It is my goal to have my first book published by the time I turn 25.
40. I love Shakespeare.
41. I had cysts on my ovaries that could have been cancerous. Jesus healed me.
42. I tried to kill myself. Jesus protected me.
43. I am German.
44. When I marry I am going to backpack through Europe with my husband.
45. I want to be a wife and mom more than anything.
46. My favorite blanket is a fuzzy and has zebra stripes.
47. I am 6 feet tall.
48. My smile is screwed up from 7 months of bulimia. Its the thing I hate most about myself. I would have so much more confidence if it weren't that way. It makes me feel ugly. I've never told anyone how I feel about that until right here, right now.
49. I am currently obsessed with the song "Tonight the Stars Speak" by The Glorious Unseen.
50. I used to be depressed and cut myself. Jesus gave me joy.
51. My best guy friend was killed in an accident 8 months ago. I miss him everyday.
52. Sometimes I don't believe I'm good enough to be in ministry or do what God has called me to.
53. I believe in miracles. I believe God still raises people from the dead, opens blind eyes, heals cancer, and does crazy things like make limbs that weren't there grow into place.
54. My favorite flower is a rose. Unoriginal, I know. They're just so beautiful.
55. I love sunsets. Its how God whispers His love to me.
56. I am a sucker for letters. Give me a note or letter and you have won my heart.
57. I want honey orange shrimp from Elephant Bar...too bad there isn't one in Birmingham.
58. I miss my mom's cooking.
59. I grew up without a dad and can honestly say that even though he wasn't there, God placed men in my life who filled the gap and God Himself has revealed His heart as Daddy.
60. I have been cliff-jumping. I would go again in a heartbeat.
61. I stopped talking when I started school. My kindergarten teacher thought I had a speech disorder. I've been shy ever since.
62. I hate human trafficking and will do everything I can with the influence God will give me to end it.
63. There is a massive chunk of my heart in Mexico and I need to go retrieve it someday soon.
64. I like to go to Ulta and smell all of the men's cologne. There is no better smell than a man.
65. I drove from Colorado to Alabama, 24 hours, by myself, without getting lost.
66. Nobody has seen by true personality that comes out when I'm alone in my car or room.
67. I worked at Taco Bell for two years. How embarrassing.
68. I am an Auburn fan. Alabama fans are obnoxious. Auburn is more classy. War Eagle.
69. I find Ben and Jerry's ice cream therapy to be incredibly helpful.
70. I love rain. Perhaps something to do with me being born in Seattle.
71. Pineapple is the best fruit. Watermelon is second.
72. I know how to throw clay and make pottery.
73. I am learning patience for stupid people.
74. I am sarcastic. I need to stop.
75. My family nickname is Moose. Has been for roughly 10 years.
76. I met Jesus when I was 15 years old. He won my heart and rescued me.
77. Most of the time I don't know where my next tank of gas is going to come from, but God always provides for all of my needs.
78. I am running a half marathon in a month. I am so not ready.
79. I don't like getting B's. If I don't get A's...I feel like I failed.
80. I'm learning that failure and being less than perfect is a good thing as long as I act in excellence and give everything my 100% best effort.
81. I've been drunk one time. I will never do it again.
82. I love the sound of laughter. Especially children's laughter.
83. I love to read. You may have figured this out already.
84. The most influential person in my life thus far: Brent Parsley.
85. I wear a promise ring that says "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." It will stay on my finger until I get engaged. It will then by worn by my husband.
86. I hate cats.
87. I hate flying.
88. I cry. A lot.
89. In college I wore fake glasses when I wanted to look and feel more studious.
90. <<----The year I was born.
91. I am a major procrastinator.
92. I want to get a tattoo. Or multiple.
93. I want to be like Lisa Bevere and do what here and her husband do.
94. I remember every single song from my childhood.
95. I like to roast marshmallows over a candle inside.
96. Adventures in Odyssey? YES. Love. Grew up on it. I'm 21 and still listen to them.
97. I just want to know Jesus more and more everyday.
98. I almost did an undercover op to expose a club that was using trafficking.
99. Did I really make it to 99?
100. God has huge plans for my life. I can't wait to live this adventure and see His purposes play out. It is going to blow my freaking face off.