brave

brave: possessing or exhibiting courage; a warrior; to defy, challenge or dare; to make splendid; valient.

my name means {brave, valiant, courageous}

where have I most strongly been under attack my whole life?

fear.

i have been daunted with fear, literally everyday of my life.

it was a stronghold in my heart and mind up until the last year.

i was afraid of everything.

failure.

not being good enough.

rejection.

being left alone.

being unseen.

missing God's plan for my life.

having someone not like me.

not making the grade.

heights.

falling.

God not accepting me.

being outside of Grace and messing up too much for God's forgiveness.

i was afraid of everything.

until one day, a year and a half ago, i was forced to face my fears.

Highlands College Expedition 2011.

my first year in Highlands College.

we went into the wilderness for two days to be challenged and defy our "possible" mindset.

we got to a rock climbing challenge, and i was freaking out cause of my fear of heights.

i got five feet up the rock.

"i can't"

ten feet up.

"i can't"

twenty feet up.

"I CAN'T DO THIS."

crying the whole time.

for every "you can do this, you got it!" my team offered me, i fought back with a "NO. i can't do this."

i hung there for about 20 minutes, stuck, listening to every lie that the enemy was throwing at me and accepting it as absolute truth.

"you'll never make it to the top."

"you're not good enough."

"you're too afraid."

"just quit."

i got to a point where i realized i hadn't just been listening to lies on that rock, but that i had been listening to lies my entire life. and i was sick of it.

i said out loud,

"no, satan. you are under my feet. you have no control over my life. you are done. i am more than a conqueror. i am an overcomer. and you are defeated. get away from me. i can do all things in Christ who gives me strength."

i started climbing, and within two minutes i was at the top of the rock.

the grip of fear on my life was loosened on that rock.

the next challenge:

repelling off of a 180 foot cliff.

i got to the edge of the cliff.

fear tightened its grasp and tried to suffocate me again.

i started listening to and speaking lies again.

out of nowhere, the guy helping me started saying Joshua 1:9 and instructing me to say it after him.

that's my life verse. the promise God gave me through the darkest part of my life.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

i kept saying it.

"wherever i go. you're with me. wherever i go. wherever i go. wherever i go. wherever i go."

one step.

and i'm hanging off the cliff.

i felt His arms holding me.

i felt the thickness of His presence surrounding me.

i don't think i've ever felt Him that close to me before.

all i could say was the name of Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

fear lost its grip that day.

yes, i still battle fear, but it is not a stronghold in my life anymore.

i believe that you are attacked most often where you are called.

i am called {brave, courageous, valiant}

the enemy, for my whole life said "you're gonna be bound by fear".

since the day on the rock, i have been able to live a courageous life, living under Grace, and laughing in the face of fear- knowing that i am more than a conqueror and i have the authority and final say- not the enemy.

going back to the meaning of brave

{possessing or exhibiting courage; a warrior; to defy, challenge or dare; to make splendid; valiant.} 

WARRIOR. {a person engaged in, experienced in, or devoted to war}

i am a warrior in the Kingdom of Light.

being in full time ministry, i have devoted my life to fighting for the name of Jesus.

i am engaged in daily war with the kingdom of darkness.

although the enemy i fight has already been defeated, i live in his territory and must engage in warfare everyday and make sure he knows who he is fighting.

i no longer live in fear because i now have the understanding that he is afraid of me.

terrified, in fact.

he knows the potential inside of me and the impact my life is going to have for the Kingdom of God.

and he is going to do everything he can to try to stop me.

i embrace courageous living, warrior living, and i say "bring it on."

*this post was part of a community of writers that take 5 minutes every Friday to write, just for the love of writing. you can join in at www.lisajobaker.com*