macchiato

November 4th of this past year should have been just like any other day.

but it wasn't.

it was the worst day.

the few days before that, my sweet pup, Macchiato, had been acting strange.

she was just laying there. not moving. not getting up...not even for food.

and that just wasn't like her.

she wasn't eating or drinking. she was breathing hard for seemingly no reason at all.

she was acting like something was very, very wrong.

we took her to the vet that Tuesday morning, expecting bad news, but hopeful that they could help her.

they took her back. on a blanket. cause she wouldn't get up to walk. my dog would never stand to be drug on the floor by a stranger, and not let out a single bark.

they put her on oxygen. took an x-ray. and called us back.

the doctor showed us the x-ray and explained that she had fluid in her lungs, and her heart was enlarged, and she was probably experiencing heart failure. he told us there were options to try and extend her life for a few more months at the most.

we fought tears as we discussed what to do.

the nurse took Macchi out of that room to put her on the scale and get her weight.

54 pounds of fur and love.

she wouldn't get down by herself. so we helped her off the scale and back onto the blanket.

and she just let her legs go limp and she fell to the ground.

my sisters and i didn't realize what was happening until the doctor rushed over, trying to save her.

her heart had stopped.

she was gone.

my mom got there right in the moments that she was passing.

and thus began one of the absolute most painful moments my family has ever experienced.

we wept. sobbed. our guts wrenching and hearts ripping into pieces. gasping for air. unable to breathe or process what had just happened.

i texted my brother who was at work.

"you need to get here. now."

he arrived. and i saw my brother cry for the first time in my life.

our sweet girl who was a part of our family for 12 years...was gone.

my brother in law Travis arrived. and as a family, we mourned our girl and said goodbye much quicker than we wanted to.

my mom prayed as we cried. thanking the Father for the 12 amazing years we had with her. for giving us the best dog ever. for the lessons she taught us. and how we would never forget Macchi.

it was much more painful than anything i had ever imagined.

i always joked about her being the immortal doggie...and on this day, i wished it could be true.

she was my pal. my confidant. my running buddy. my listening ear. my wresting partner. my instagram model dog. a troublemaker. my friend.

even as i write this, tears are running down my cheeks. i miss her everyday.

// i have heard so many different people claim that their dogs were the "best dog ever". but frankly, they are wrong. my dog was, without a shadow of the doubt, the best dog ever.

she taught us so many lessons about life and love.

she taught us about faithfulness and loyalty.

it didn't matter what kind of day we had dealt with, or what kind of mood we were in... she was always there to greet us when we came in the door. tail wagging. barking and yelping loudly. even when she was being sassy and didn't get up to greet us...her tail still flopped up and down from wherever she was laying.

i miss those welcome home greeting every time i walk in the door.

she taught us that you must be faithful to your pack, and protect each other.

huskies are very protective of their packs and make excellent guard dogs.

we were her pack.

and any intruder (visitor)...needed to be fully tested and barked at to get approval.

she always had our backs.

she taught us unconditional love.

john grogan wrote in Marley and Me... "a dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his." // 

and that, friends, is the absolute truth.

Macchi loved everyone. she put up a tough front with strangers...but ultimately, she was the friendliest dog on the planet and would jump up to hug you and lick your face if she thought you needed a hug.

we poked a lot of fun at Macchi. all out of love.

telling her the she was the worst dog ever. and nobody liked her. and nobody loved her. and how stupid she was. and how she was an evil doggie.

and alas...she loved us like she never heard any of it. (cause we all know dogs understand their humans...the good, bad and the ugly)

she taught us joy.

she always had a smile on her face. she brought us so many laughs and so much joy.

she was the derpiest dog on the planet.

she would do the dumbest things.

she would jump up onto a bed or couch and totally miss her hind legs and fall right on her butt.

she would dig holes in the back yard and run back and forth like a psychopath.

she would sit on chairs in the dining room and lick the frosting off of cookie bars when we weren't looking.

she would howl at every fire truck.

she would chase bugs and snap at flies until they were pounced on under her paws.

she was also awesome. i've never met another dog that would give high 5's on command.

and in the end, she taught us the art of staying strong.

the doctor explained that she had probably been sick for quite some time. but huskies are so wild hearted that they are good at masking the pain and problems and acting like nothing is wrong. until it just becomes too much for them to handle, and they have to show their weakness.

she showed us that being strong take a lot of guts, but there is a moment to show your weakness.

and as though she knew that her family was there with her.

that we loved her so much.

that she was the greatest dog ever.

she had the strength to let go.

to go peacefully.

she made the decision for us so we wouldn't have to decide to extend her life or let her go.

she didn't want to put that burden on us.

so she decided for us. that it was time.

and she went.

one minute there. the next, gone.

we showered her with love. told her how she was the best dog who ever lived. that we loved her so much. that we would miss her so much. that we would see her in eternity.

i knelt beside her. leaned over. held her in my arms. kissed her sweet, furry face. took her collar off. and said goodbye to the sweetest furry friend i could have ever asked for.

and i still try to talk to her as if she were laying on her spot on the love seat.

we choose to remember the happy. the good. not the sad.

john eldredge said in one of his books that God showed him in a dream and told him that one of the dogs that he loved so much was in heaven, waiting for him.

so we choose to believe that God cares about the things we love and care about, and that we will see her again one day.

cause i really do believe that the best of the best puppies go to heaven and wait to be reunited with their humans.

cause God is good.

and His love is faithful.

"Macchiato" is the italian word for "marked".

our Macchi left a mark on our hearts and lives forever.

to the best dog who ever lived.