the face of slavery

i've been avoiding this post for awhile.

its time to give voice to the words in my heart.

about two months ago i went on a mission trip to the Atlanta Dream Center.

i saw and experienced things there that i never thought i would encounter in my own country.

i knew human trafficking and slavery and prostitution existed here.

i've known. i've used my voice to spread awareness. i've spent hours praying, reading, weeping over it.

but it became real to me in Atlanta.

it went from being a label and a number, to being a face.

a face that will forever be burned in my mind's eye.

it started when we went to a place called Underground Atlanta to do water bottle ministry.

basically, we walk around the streets and shops offering people water, talking to them, asking if there's anything we could pray for them about, and if they accepted, to pray with them.

my group was standing outside and i noticed a guy and a girl standing about twenty feet away.

immediately in my spirit, i knew something was wrong.

he had her pinned against the wall.

her face was down. she refused to look at him. you could see the disgust in her eyes.

i saw him slip a giant wad of cash into her delicate hand.

he grabbed her shoulder and forcefully pulled her along to walk down the street.

i could see that she didn't want to go with him. it was so obvious.

i watched them for about ten minutes.

i saw her try to give him back the money. he refused. time after time.

they walked back the other way. her face down in shame. being drug along by this sick pig.

he was pointing to nearby buildings. hotels.

there was another man who walked with them the whole time, watching her life a hawk.

i assume he was her pimp.

and i quickly figured out that what i was witnessing was this young girl being sold for sex.

another girl on my team noticed too and said the same thing.

i wanted to go up to her, grab her hand, tell her she was beautiful, that Jesus loved her and had a plan for her life that was so much bigger than this, and protect her from ever being used by another man again.

but i couldn't. i felt so helpless. i was just watching her destiny being stolen.

the girl in the yellow sweater. i can't forget her.

that same night we got into our hotel.

the Stratford Inn.

this place was the sketchiest, scariest, dirtiest place we could have possibly stayed in.

it was in a horrible part of town.

there was blood on the walls of my room. (and almost everyone else's rooms).

mold in the showers.

tiny rooms.

the whole place smelled like pot.

we couldn't go anywhere in the hotel without a guy escorting us to and from our room.

and the spiritual atmosphere was like nothing i had ever experienced before.

darkness so thick that you could breathe it in.

this place was a brothel.

i just knew in my spirit that countless women had been raped in this hotel.

i could see it. {mental images of women being used flashed in my mind}

i could feel it. {cringing. i could feel their pain}

i could hear it. {i could her their screams echoing in my mind}

i could taste it. {the shame}

i could touch it. {the walls. the bed. the blood stains. it was real.}

i had to go to my best friend's room across the hall and cry it out and pray with them. i felt the heaviness of the burden of the darkness that surrounded us and the very present evil wading around in that hotel.

i knew the He that is in me is GREATER than the spirits ruling there, and i had no problem taking authority, but i couldn't ignore what the Lord was showing me and the weight of heartache i felt for these girls. His daughters.

i knew in that moment, more than ever, that part of my life calling is to rescue these girls out of slavery.

i prayed. read scriptures over the room i was in. made war in the heavenlies for the girls being used in the rooms around us and on the other levels of the hotel. played worship music all night to fill the room with the peace of the presence of Jesus.

i don't know if you've ever experienced this feeling, but sometimes i wake up and my body is just exhausted and i can tell that my spirit had been fighting the whole night.

that's what i felt like the next morning. my spirit had been making war all night long.

two days later: Princess Night.

princess night is the prostitute ministry of the Atlanta Dream Center.

they go out onto the streets every friday night to tell these girls that they are loved and beautiful, and to give them a rose and a rescue hotline phone number.

they build relationships with these girls, and through the process of time, work to get them off the streets.

if these girls accept a rose, most of the time they risk being beat by their pimp. so it is a huge win if we could even get them to accept a rose, and a loss at the same time because of the consequences.

so we break up into teams, get into two vans and hit the streets.

we go to an area of town where it is cheap motel after cheap motel, sex shop after sex shop, strip club after strip club. its a very shady part of Atlanta.

we drove up and down the streets in the darkness, praying, and occasionally stopping to talk to a girl. 

the first girl we stopped for walked away and wouldn't talk to us because her pimp was watching her.

the second girl, myself and my friend Ashley got to speak with.

we got out of the van. walk up to her and ask if we could talk to her. she said yes.

i was captivated by her brokenness.

her face.

she couldn't have been more than 20 years old.

she had cuts on her face.

you could tell she was strung out on drugs.

she looked spent. completely.

i looked in her eyes. and saw nothing. there was no life left. she was empty. 

we hand her a white rose and tell her that she is loved. and she is beautiful.

she started crying and mouthed the words "thank you".

we gave her a bracelet that had a cross on it. she said that it was beautiful.

we asked if we could pray for her. she said we could. 15 seconds of pouring the love of Jesus on her and we had to walk away.

i literally felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

i didn't want to leave her alone.

i felt even more helpless than i did with the girl in the yellow sweater.

i pictured myself holding her in my momma bear arms.

telling her how much Jesus adores her and how great His plans are for her life and how He can make her whole, rescue her and make her pure again.

i saw myself gently grabbing her cheeks, me crying, saying, "You are so brave. You are so strong. You are so beautiful. You are a daughter of the most high God and He LOVES you SO MUCH. Let Him rescue you."

even though i saw the abuse and shame on her face, at the same time i saw innocence. i saw destiny. i saw a daughter who needed her Daddy. 

but it was all in my mind.

i had to walk away.

i have to endure the thought of her precious heart being violated over, and over again.

i got in the van and immediately fell apart. not just crying. sobbing. gut wrenching sobbing. audible sobs.

i've never felt so helpless or so broken over someone else's pain like that before.

i'm crying now, writing these words.

i can still see her face. she is the face of the 27 million slaves on the earth. they are individuals. stories. people. daughters (and sons) of our Father.

we kept driving and moments later encountered the girl in the pink pants.

a couple of our girls walked up to her to try and talk to her, but couldn't because her pimp wasn't having it.

he told us, "she's received a thousand roses and they are all dead, she doesn't need another one."

each rose represents a dream.

each dream from her past, present and future. and her pimp was speaking over her that all her dreams were dead and there was no point in having any more.

broken.

he was telling her that she wasn't allowed to dream again.

no hopes of freedom.

no hopes of a better life.

no hope at all.

she belonged to him.

we drove past motels that had semi-trucks parked outside. all their lights on. with one back door open. and you just knew that there were girls being used in the back of those trucks.

i wanted to vomit.

i've never witnessed or experienced something more sobering or heartbreaking in my life.

but through it all, i never had that "ugh" or "gross" feeling or thought process.

no.

all i felt was love.

all i knew in that moment was compassion.

i understood, on a very small scale, for the first time in my life, what it meant when the Bible said,

"...when he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." (Matthew 9:36)

only compassion. 

nothing less. 

i saw God's daughters. 

beautiful. 

treasures. 

valuable. 

they weren't "just prostitutes", like people so often say. 

every prostitute. every woman being trafficked. IS GOD'S DAUGHTER. 

she is valuable. 

she has intrinsic value that has absolutely nothing to do with what she does or what she has been caught up into. her value simply exists because of who she is. a child of the most high God. 

every verse that we believe for ourselves, is just as true about her as it is about us. 

Ephesians 2:10- "We are God's masterpiece. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do." 

Psalm 139:14, 17-18- "I praise you, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How wonderful are your works, O God. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-- when I awake, you are still with me." 

Romans 8:1 - "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." 

Song of Songs 4:7 - "All beautiful you are, my darling. There is no flaw in you." 

what right do we have to feel disgusted by a girl who is a prostitute? 

is your sin any better than hers? 

Jesus loved prostitutes and spent a lot of His time on earth fellowshipping with them. He didn't judge them or act disgusted by them. He loved them. He embraced them where they were. 

will you join me in seeing the value in EVERY SINGLE ONE of God's daughters? 

no labels. 

no judgement. 

no disgust. 

no preconceived notions. 

just grace. 

just compassion. 

just love. 

just extending the compassion of the One that created them. 

nothing less. 

i challenge you to a life of compassion. 

no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. 

Jesus wasn't disgusted by your humanity or your sin. 

we have no right to be disgusted by anyone else's humanity or sin. 

compassion is the life we are called to as believers. 

they are just waiting for someone to love them like Jesus.

brave

brave: possessing or exhibiting courage; a warrior; to defy, challenge or dare; to make splendid; valient.

my name means {brave, valiant, courageous}

where have I most strongly been under attack my whole life?

fear.

i have been daunted with fear, literally everyday of my life.

it was a stronghold in my heart and mind up until the last year.

i was afraid of everything.

failure.

not being good enough.

rejection.

being left alone.

being unseen.

missing God's plan for my life.

having someone not like me.

not making the grade.

heights.

falling.

God not accepting me.

being outside of Grace and messing up too much for God's forgiveness.

i was afraid of everything.

until one day, a year and a half ago, i was forced to face my fears.

Highlands College Expedition 2011.

my first year in Highlands College.

we went into the wilderness for two days to be challenged and defy our "possible" mindset.

we got to a rock climbing challenge, and i was freaking out cause of my fear of heights.

i got five feet up the rock.

"i can't"

ten feet up.

"i can't"

twenty feet up.

"I CAN'T DO THIS."

crying the whole time.

for every "you can do this, you got it!" my team offered me, i fought back with a "NO. i can't do this."

i hung there for about 20 minutes, stuck, listening to every lie that the enemy was throwing at me and accepting it as absolute truth.

"you'll never make it to the top."

"you're not good enough."

"you're too afraid."

"just quit."

i got to a point where i realized i hadn't just been listening to lies on that rock, but that i had been listening to lies my entire life. and i was sick of it.

i said out loud,

"no, satan. you are under my feet. you have no control over my life. you are done. i am more than a conqueror. i am an overcomer. and you are defeated. get away from me. i can do all things in Christ who gives me strength."

i started climbing, and within two minutes i was at the top of the rock.

the grip of fear on my life was loosened on that rock.

the next challenge:

repelling off of a 180 foot cliff.

i got to the edge of the cliff.

fear tightened its grasp and tried to suffocate me again.

i started listening to and speaking lies again.

out of nowhere, the guy helping me started saying Joshua 1:9 and instructing me to say it after him.

that's my life verse. the promise God gave me through the darkest part of my life.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

i kept saying it.

"wherever i go. you're with me. wherever i go. wherever i go. wherever i go. wherever i go."

one step.

and i'm hanging off the cliff.

i felt His arms holding me.

i felt the thickness of His presence surrounding me.

i don't think i've ever felt Him that close to me before.

all i could say was the name of Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

fear lost its grip that day.

yes, i still battle fear, but it is not a stronghold in my life anymore.

i believe that you are attacked most often where you are called.

i am called {brave, courageous, valiant}

the enemy, for my whole life said "you're gonna be bound by fear".

since the day on the rock, i have been able to live a courageous life, living under Grace, and laughing in the face of fear- knowing that i am more than a conqueror and i have the authority and final say- not the enemy.

going back to the meaning of brave

{possessing or exhibiting courage; a warrior; to defy, challenge or dare; to make splendid; valiant.} 

WARRIOR. {a person engaged in, experienced in, or devoted to war}

i am a warrior in the Kingdom of Light.

being in full time ministry, i have devoted my life to fighting for the name of Jesus.

i am engaged in daily war with the kingdom of darkness.

although the enemy i fight has already been defeated, i live in his territory and must engage in warfare everyday and make sure he knows who he is fighting.

i no longer live in fear because i now have the understanding that he is afraid of me.

terrified, in fact.

he knows the potential inside of me and the impact my life is going to have for the Kingdom of God.

and he is going to do everything he can to try to stop me.

i embrace courageous living, warrior living, and i say "bring it on."

*this post was part of a community of writers that take 5 minutes every Friday to write, just for the love of writing. you can join in at www.lisajobaker.com*

where my trust is without borders

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 

Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever you would call me. 

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
 
And my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior. 

***************************************************************** 
this song is my life anthem right now. 

i sing it literally every single day. 

these words are constantly running through my mind and heart.  

2 years ago i left everything to follow the call of God. 

i moved from beautiful Colorado to (what i thought was) barren Alabama.  

i left the security of family, a home, a job, being close to finishing my Associate's degree, my friends, my church, my mountains- everything. 

Birmingham didn't look right. It didn't feel right. But I knew it was where I was called. 

So one day, I packed up my car with my belongings, and drove across the country, 1300 miles, alone. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing where my money for the year was coming from. Not knowing the people I would encounter. Expecting challenges and hardships and pain. Leaving all sense of security at what used to be home. 

leaving Colorado to move to Birmingham and to be a part of Highlands College and Church of the Highlands was probably the best decision I have ever made. 

Alabama has become home. 

my life has radically and completely changed as I encountered Jesus in ways I had never thought possible. i am new person because of my years here. 

i graduate Highlands College in 2 weeks. 

the feeling is surreal. 

i have two more weeks with some of the greatest people i have ever known. 

my family. 

some of us are staying for 3rd year internships. 

one of us is moving to St. Louis to pursue a HUGE God-given opportunity. 

some of us are going to California. 

some to Florida. 

one of us is going to India. 

some Africa. 

one of us has dreams of Australia. 

our family over the next year or so will be spreading across the globe. 

there are so many unknowns. 

its requiring A LOT of trust in the voice, heart, plans, and peace of God.  

God's plans are so much bigger than anything we could ever imagine. 

its faith to not give up on dreams, even when they seem too big or too far away. 

its faith to trust in what the Lord has spoken and is speaking. 

***********************************************************************************
here's an update on my journey and where i am headed. 

up until two weeks ago, i hadn't the slightest clue what my next step was. 

two weeks ago, we went to Jacksonville, Florida, for the ARC Conference. 

ARC (Association of Related Churches) is a church planting organization that plants one church every 4 days and equips pastors to launch churches and bring their God given dreams and visions to reality. 

as interns, we had the honor of serving these pastors for a week so that they could be poured into, encouraged, and built up. 

i wasn't going to go to ARC, but after talking to Pastor Hayes, he strongly encouraged me to make the investment, and spend a hundred dollars to go. 

i reluctantly signed up and paid the fees. 

i am so thankful i went. 

it was the absolute best week for me. 

i came away so encouraged and full. 

i got to hear from and be around the greatest leaders in the world. 

we're talking about people like...

Brian Houston. Christine Caine. Larry Stockstill. Rick Warren. John and Lisa Bevere. Phillip and Holly Wagner. Willie George. Lori Champion. Chris Hodges. And countless more. 

{here's a free nugget: the #1 thing that stuck with me. Christine Caine said "It is better to be marked by God than marketed by men."} 

i had a couple opportunities come up during the week. 

i had an interview for what looks like a dream job. in Texas. 

but i have no peace about it. 

and then California crossed my path. 

i've never thought about or considered the possibility of California. until now. 

before the actual conference started, there were breakout app sessions. 

i went to the ARC Women app session. 

i was sitting with one of our pastor's wives, Mrs. Debbie. 

then i saw this lady walk in, and my spirit jumped. it was one of those moments where my heart screamed "I HAVE TO KNOW YOU." 

well, i ignored it and didn't talk to her, cause i didn't want to sound weird. 

every time i saw her over the next 4 days, the same thing would happen. 

the last day, when everything was over, i was sitting there waiting for our intern clean up meeting to start with my good friend Ashley. i told her what happened and pointed the woman out to her. she told me i was dumb, and needed to obey the Holy Spirit and go make a connection with her. we argued for 10 minutes and i finally went. 

i confidently introduced myself, told her what happened, asked if she could tell me about herself, her ministry, and her experience in women's ministry- we talked for about 15 minutes. she asked me how i got to Highlands. what my story was. what my ministry calling is. what my vision and heart for women's ministry is (which we have the same heart and vision for). she encouraged me, poured into me- spiritually and practically. through talking i found out that she and her husband planted a church in Orange County, California, that launched 7 months ago. 

i asked if they needed help in their church. she said yes- they need help with girls discipleship. (how perfect). and that i was welcome to come visit any time. to pray about it and talk to my spiritual authority and see what my next step would be. (in much more words on both sides...this is the small, condensed version). 

she asked me if i believed Birmingham and Highlands were where i am supposed to be planted, and i had no hesitation or doubts is saying "no". 

i love Birmingham. i love Highlands. but its not where i am supposed to plant myself.

the pastor who is responsible for getting me to Birmingham- Pastor Layne- is always telling us to go after the who, and not the what- even if it means moving from a place like Disney World to a place like Vision Land- to follow the cloud and the who. 

i want to follow this cloud. 

i can't explain the Holy Spirit connection i felt with this pastor. it doesn't make sense. 

i have this dream job available in Texas, but no peace with it. 

however, i would move to California tomorrow just to serve under their leadership. 

i would be willing to work two jobs, just to support myself to live in California, so I could serve in their church. 

having looked at the church website and listened to many messages, i have already fallen in love with the church and haven't even been. it looks PHENOMENAL. everything they do is so intentional, so Biblically based, so real, so vision focused- its amazing. 

i came home. let my heart stir. prayed on what God was speaking and showing me. 

and talked to Pastor Hayes. (our ministry coordinator and my spiritual authority). 

he told me that from everything i communicated, i needed to pack my bags and go out for a visit as soon as i possibly could. 

i went to sports that day and looking at airline tickets, i stumbled upon a round trip ticket for $170 to San Diego. (completely Jesus providing for me). 

i texted Pastor Meghan. worked out the dates, and booked my ticket. 

i'm going to California. alone. in 4 weeks. 

this is a huge leap of faith. 

its insane, really. not normal. 

i don't do things like this, UNLESS i know that its what the Holy Spirit is leading me to do. 

and i know, with no doubt, that this is what i am supposed to do. 

there's a lot of uncertainty, but i am certain this is the step God is lighting my path to take. 

is it hard? yes. 

does it require sacrifice? yes. obedience always does. 

is it scary? yes. 

is it perhaps blind faith? completely. 

am i excited? beyond excited. 

this is a crazy, awesome, Jesus adventure. 

once again, i'm following the voice of the Lord where He is leading me- even though it is taking me 2,000 miles from home. 

its sacrifice. 

my family thinks i'm insane. 

my mother hasn't spoken to me in 8 days. 

i have less money in my car savings account. 

i am facing my fear of flying again (FOR A 7 HOUR FLIGHT. pray for me.) 

but i have perfect peace. the kind that comes from the Lord and following Him. the kind that surpasses all human understanding. 

i am honored that He has chosen me to walk this path, and i cannot wait to see what plays out and comes from this. 

its a risk. but why not take risks?

God did not save me to tame me. 

i want to live a dangerous life. a life of faith. and faith is a risk.