Shortly after, I was able to leave the state and start a new life. I never dealt with my pain, I simply buried it and tried to ignore what had happened. I now find myself back in Colorado and a wave of memories and grief has hit me. I miss him so much.
One song has been resonating in my heart these past couple days.
"I'll pour my tears in the ocean. And I'll leave my pain by the shore.
With a mighty wave you'll sweep them away, till they are no more"
No matter how much pain I endure, how many attacks are thrown my way, one thing remains: My God is faithful to heal my heart and He is constantly fighting for me.
I have carried a burden of guilt around on my shoulders that I am ready to leave in His mighty ocean of freedom and love. Luke was on the way to pick me up the night of the accident. I was convinced that had I not said anything, not made plans to spend time together, maybe, just maybe he would still be alive. Even if this is true, it is not my burden to carry and I know Luke would not want me to feel responsible for his death. It was an attack of the enemy.
Every single tear we cry is collected in the hands of God. He doesn't forget a single drop. A single heartbreak. Our pain is not unseen. We are not alone. He has never left us, even when He feels a million miles away.
I am beginning to realize the closeness of our God. He is everywhere, but He is interested in mending my broken heart. He holds my hand. He hold my heart. He wraps His arms around me. He inhabits my heart and makes my body a temple for Him to dwell in. He is right here next to me.
The God of everything holds my hand and never lets go.
Perhaps it is most powerfully seen in the picture of Jesus in this Christmas season. The God that created the expanse of the universe came as a helpless baby. God breathed our air. God had to learn how to talk. God had to learn how to walk. God had a runny nose. God felt the cold air upon His skin. God fell and scraped His knee. God slept. God got sunburns. God felt alone, was rejected and abandoned. God wrapped Himself in flesh and became one of us.
His name is Emmanuel. God with us.
God is not some far off being. He is relational. He is close. He wants to hear our hearts and know us in the most intimate places.
With a mighty wave you'll sweep them away, till they are no more"
No matter how much pain I endure, how many attacks are thrown my way, one thing remains: My God is faithful to heal my heart and He is constantly fighting for me.
I have carried a burden of guilt around on my shoulders that I am ready to leave in His mighty ocean of freedom and love. Luke was on the way to pick me up the night of the accident. I was convinced that had I not said anything, not made plans to spend time together, maybe, just maybe he would still be alive. Even if this is true, it is not my burden to carry and I know Luke would not want me to feel responsible for his death. It was an attack of the enemy.
Every single tear we cry is collected in the hands of God. He doesn't forget a single drop. A single heartbreak. Our pain is not unseen. We are not alone. He has never left us, even when He feels a million miles away.
I am beginning to realize the closeness of our God. He is everywhere, but He is interested in mending my broken heart. He holds my hand. He hold my heart. He wraps His arms around me. He inhabits my heart and makes my body a temple for Him to dwell in. He is right here next to me.
The God of everything holds my hand and never lets go.
Perhaps it is most powerfully seen in the picture of Jesus in this Christmas season. The God that created the expanse of the universe came as a helpless baby. God breathed our air. God had to learn how to talk. God had to learn how to walk. God had a runny nose. God felt the cold air upon His skin. God fell and scraped His knee. God slept. God got sunburns. God felt alone, was rejected and abandoned. God wrapped Himself in flesh and became one of us.
His name is Emmanuel. God with us.
God is not some far off being. He is relational. He is close. He wants to hear our hearts and know us in the most intimate places.
Psalm 34:18 says, "If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath." (MSG)
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath." (MSG)
He cares. I cast all of my cares upon Him, because He cares for me. His heart breaks when our hearts break. But He doesn't stop there. He offers healing, hope, and restoration. He takes our broken hearts in His hand and gently puts together the broken pieces, making us whole.
You are never too broken or too far lost for Him to create something beautiful out of. See, brokenness, in the Kingdom of God, is a beautiful thing. It creates the opportunity for God to work His miracles.
Stained glass windows are some of the most magnificent works of art we can ever behold. Do you know how they are made? Pieces of broken glass are welded together to create a masterpiece. Let God take the broken pieces of your heart and life and create something majestic. He is the artist, the potter, and we are the clay in His hands. Clay is mold-able and easily breaks when its on the wheel, but once the potter is finished, it serves the purpose He has created it to fulfill. You might only see broken pieces, but He sees a beautiful masterpiece.
One time I was fasting makeup and Luke asked me how I was doing with it. I told him I was doing great until today, I'm going out with one of my girl friends and she is just extraordinarily beautiful, and I feel intimidated by her so I have to put on makeup. He said to me, "She is probably thinking the same exact thing as she is putting on her makeup right now."
Sometimes we need other people to tell us who we are when we can't see it in ourselves. Nobody has ever instilled a sense of confidence or self-worth in me more than Luke did. I saw broken, ugly, worthless, too far gone, and something to be tossed out. He saw love, beauty, purpose, and the potential for greatness.
We can't do life alone. If we try, we will fail miserably. We need each other. I can see things in you that you can't see, and you can see things in me that I can't see. We need to begin to recognize the worth, talents and gifts inside of the people around us and draw it out of them, otherwise it could remain dormant and buried for who knows how long.
Hang onto the people in your life. You never know when they will be gone. I loved Luke more than I could ever possibly put into words. He was the best friend I have ever had. I never knew how much he meant to me and how much I valued him until he was gone and I no longer had his presence in my life. Right now, I would give anything to be able to talk to him just one more time. I would tell him how much of an impact he had in my life, how he was one of the most extraordinary and loving people I have ever know, and how much I loved him.Value people. When it comes down to it, it is all about people. Make the most of every moment. Life is a vapor.
It took me losing my best friend to discover how close God is. His death was not a part of God's plan and not for one second can you even try to tell me that God "took him", cause he didn't. But God has used his death to show me the depth of His love, grace, compassion and hope that are found once we take the step into the vast ocean of His heart. God is not far, He is right here.
Found in the words of the songs of this season we find the eternal plan of God:
You are never too broken or too far lost for Him to create something beautiful out of. See, brokenness, in the Kingdom of God, is a beautiful thing. It creates the opportunity for God to work His miracles.
Stained glass windows are some of the most magnificent works of art we can ever behold. Do you know how they are made? Pieces of broken glass are welded together to create a masterpiece. Let God take the broken pieces of your heart and life and create something majestic. He is the artist, the potter, and we are the clay in His hands. Clay is mold-able and easily breaks when its on the wheel, but once the potter is finished, it serves the purpose He has created it to fulfill. You might only see broken pieces, but He sees a beautiful masterpiece.
One time I was fasting makeup and Luke asked me how I was doing with it. I told him I was doing great until today, I'm going out with one of my girl friends and she is just extraordinarily beautiful, and I feel intimidated by her so I have to put on makeup. He said to me, "She is probably thinking the same exact thing as she is putting on her makeup right now."
Sometimes we need other people to tell us who we are when we can't see it in ourselves. Nobody has ever instilled a sense of confidence or self-worth in me more than Luke did. I saw broken, ugly, worthless, too far gone, and something to be tossed out. He saw love, beauty, purpose, and the potential for greatness.
We can't do life alone. If we try, we will fail miserably. We need each other. I can see things in you that you can't see, and you can see things in me that I can't see. We need to begin to recognize the worth, talents and gifts inside of the people around us and draw it out of them, otherwise it could remain dormant and buried for who knows how long.
Hang onto the people in your life. You never know when they will be gone. I loved Luke more than I could ever possibly put into words. He was the best friend I have ever had. I never knew how much he meant to me and how much I valued him until he was gone and I no longer had his presence in my life. Right now, I would give anything to be able to talk to him just one more time. I would tell him how much of an impact he had in my life, how he was one of the most extraordinary and loving people I have ever know, and how much I loved him.Value people. When it comes down to it, it is all about people. Make the most of every moment. Life is a vapor.
It took me losing my best friend to discover how close God is. His death was not a part of God's plan and not for one second can you even try to tell me that God "took him", cause he didn't. But God has used his death to show me the depth of His love, grace, compassion and hope that are found once we take the step into the vast ocean of His heart. God is not far, He is right here.
Found in the words of the songs of this season we find the eternal plan of God:
"Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death's dark shadows put to flight."
"Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till' He appeared and the soul felt its worth."
"Born that man no more may die. Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth."
"And with His blood, mankind He has bought."
Jesus has come. He remains. Never to leave us behind.
If we take the step into His ocean of healing, He will wash over us and erase the wounds of the past, making us new and completely whole.
Wounds heal. Scars fade. Jesus gives us new hearts and as long as He holds our hearts, there is a depth of life and hope that can be found in no other place.
Surrender. Let go. Find freedom in His arms.
"Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till' He appeared and the soul felt its worth."
"Born that man no more may die. Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth."
"And with His blood, mankind He has bought."
Jesus has come. He remains. Never to leave us behind.
If we take the step into His ocean of healing, He will wash over us and erase the wounds of the past, making us new and completely whole.
Wounds heal. Scars fade. Jesus gives us new hearts and as long as He holds our hearts, there is a depth of life and hope that can be found in no other place.
Surrender. Let go. Find freedom in His arms.
I love you.
ReplyDeleteI think I need an altar call after this!
ReplyDelete