in-between

i am living in the in-between.

and the in-between is the hardest place to be.

i just wrapped up a season of training, breaking, stretching, growing, changing, molding and discovering who God created me to be and what He made me to do.

and i know my destination.

California.

The Movement Church.

Pastor Carey and Meghan Robinson.

my heart has taken up residence in California, even though the Lord has asked me to enter into another season of waiting and preparation for where He is taking me, by spending the next year in Colorado before He allows me to transition to California.

i was not happy about it when i figured out that this was what it was going to take to get me back to California, for good this time.

i'm still not absolutely thrilled about it.

on Monday night, while I was still in Birmingham, i went over to my wonderful spiritual parent's house to see them one more time and say my farewells.

it hadn't hit me that my moving away from Alabama was real until that night, when i had to say goodbye to the two single most important people in my life.

i was sitting on the couch next to my momma, Jackie, and laid down in her lap and told her i needed to leave but didn't want to, and started to cry. a lot. she rubbed my back and held me and assured me that i was doing the right thing, that i was obeying the call of God on my life, that i chose this and its hard and takes sacrifice to be where God calls us to be.

i held onto them as long as i could and got as many hugs and kisses as i could before i left.

i bawled on the way home.

it hit me that i was leaving the next day. permanently.

i listened to Oceans by Hillsong, cause its been my anthem through this whole process.

i yelled at God and told Him how angry i was that He was making me spend a year in Colorado and that He was taking me so far away from Birmingham and all the people i love so much there.

i didn't sleep that night because i had so much packing and cleaning to do. i cried off and on the whole night. and morning. and afternoon. and evening. and at the airport. and on the plane. and when i got home.

there is so much comfort in saying goodby and knowing when you'll see somebody again. and there is so much pain in saying goodbye and having no idea when you'll see that person again.

so now. here i am. living in the in-between.

the struggle is trying not to see it as just the in-between.

trying not to feel like my calling is on hold.

its not on hold.

the Lord asked me to spend a year here preparing to move to California.

i am right where i am supposed to be.

i am smack dab in the middle of God's call on my life.

no matter how hard it may be.

no matter how much i don't want to be here.

no matter the pain of leaving my family in Alabama.

no matter the fact that i barely know anyone here and don't have a good church here. yet.

even though i have moved on and finished my Highlands College journey completely.

even though my family thinks i am insane and i have a lot of relationship conflict with them.

even though i am working towards moving to California to be part of an incredible church and serve under the leadership of some of the most phenomenal leaders i have ever met before.

i am living in the in-between, but i am right where God wants me.

sometimes in the in-between, in the seasons of waiting and preparation, it might not feel like it, but we are in the middle of God's plan.

sometimes the biggest lessons and times of growth happen in the in-between.

i know this year is going to be a challenge.

i know its going to break me.

i know i am going to face obstacles, discouragement, and so much more.

but i know that He is with me in the in-between.

He has promised never to leave me.

He has prepared the way for me here.

He came before me.

He is already going before me to California to prepare the way for that new journey.

and He is right here. with me. never to leave me or forsake me.

i'm not mad that He brought me here. i am thankful He is with me. i know i can make it through the hardship because i know He is with me. He has given me the strength and everything i need to make it through this year.

its a faith journey and adventure.

its blind faith.

its a lot of unknowns.

its not knowing what this year will bring.

but it is trusting that He is with me and i am right where He wants me to be.

in the in-between.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and very courageous. Do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." {Joshua 1:9} 

*this post was part of a community of writers that take 5 minutes every Friday to write, just for the love of writing. you can join in at www.lisajobaker.com*

rhythms of the Father's heart

{For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.} [Zephaniah 3:17]

have you ever wondered what the songs that Heaven sings over you sound like?

there is a distinct rhythm to every song that has ever been written.

rhythm is defined as "movement or procedure with uniform or patterned recurrence of a beat, accent, or the like."

i don't know about you, but if life is a song, there is nothing uniform or patterned about my life.

its high notes and low notes. continuous strands of the same note as i learn lessons over and over again. its random, choppy notes thrown in here and there. sometimes its one of those black notes that we non-musical people have no idea why those are even on a keyboard. it sounds more like the musical creation of a two year old sitting down and banging on the keys. uniform is far from the descriptive word i would use to describe this song that is my life.

from the outside perspective, there is no rhythm.

sometimes it even feels like multiple songs are being blared through the speakers at the same time.

songs of adventure.

songs of loss.

songs of hope.

songs of sadness.

songs of joy.

songs of confusion.

songs of love.

songs of deep heartbreak.

not all of these songs are songs of heaven though.

the songs of heaven are good, lovely and full of hope.

{every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows} [James 1:17]

according to this verse, there is a consistent rhythm to the song that the Father is singing over your life, even when it doesn't look like it from our limited perspective.

our lives might be a string of random notes, but there is one source of consistency we can always rely on.

as i look back on my own life and the crazy, wild adventure, battle ground, faith journey that it has been- i see the rhythms of my Father through it all.

He is my constant.

He is my source of consistency.

He never changes.

as faithful as the tide to the shore.

as steady as the rising and setting sun.

He is there.

every moment, He has been there.

i see the waves of who He is that wash up on the shore of my life.

His faithfulness.

His joy.

His love. 

His strength.

His provision.

His hope.

His freedom.

His power.

His grace. 

His presence is always there.

so even when my life sounds like the musical reminiscing of a two year old, there is a sound coming from Heaven that invades earth and brings a constant reminder of the rhythms of the Father and all that He is.

He will rejoice over you with singing.

if you look at who God has been to you and all His faithfulness, you can so clearly hear the song of heaven that He is singing over you. more beautiful than any sound you've ever heard before, for it shouts of His great love and compassion for His children.

still the noise and take a moment to listen to the sounds of heaven.

{i'm caught in the rhythms of grace. they overcome all of my ways. realigning each step everyday to live for Your glory.}

*this post was part of a community of writers that take 5 minutes every Friday to write, just for the love of writing. you can join in at www.lisajobaker.com*