in-between

i am living in the in-between.

and the in-between is the hardest place to be.

i just wrapped up a season of training, breaking, stretching, growing, changing, molding and discovering who God created me to be and what He made me to do.

and i know my destination.

California.

The Movement Church.

Pastor Carey and Meghan Robinson.

my heart has taken up residence in California, even though the Lord has asked me to enter into another season of waiting and preparation for where He is taking me, by spending the next year in Colorado before He allows me to transition to California.

i was not happy about it when i figured out that this was what it was going to take to get me back to California, for good this time.

i'm still not absolutely thrilled about it.

on Monday night, while I was still in Birmingham, i went over to my wonderful spiritual parent's house to see them one more time and say my farewells.

it hadn't hit me that my moving away from Alabama was real until that night, when i had to say goodbye to the two single most important people in my life.

i was sitting on the couch next to my momma, Jackie, and laid down in her lap and told her i needed to leave but didn't want to, and started to cry. a lot. she rubbed my back and held me and assured me that i was doing the right thing, that i was obeying the call of God on my life, that i chose this and its hard and takes sacrifice to be where God calls us to be.

i held onto them as long as i could and got as many hugs and kisses as i could before i left.

i bawled on the way home.

it hit me that i was leaving the next day. permanently.

i listened to Oceans by Hillsong, cause its been my anthem through this whole process.

i yelled at God and told Him how angry i was that He was making me spend a year in Colorado and that He was taking me so far away from Birmingham and all the people i love so much there.

i didn't sleep that night because i had so much packing and cleaning to do. i cried off and on the whole night. and morning. and afternoon. and evening. and at the airport. and on the plane. and when i got home.

there is so much comfort in saying goodby and knowing when you'll see somebody again. and there is so much pain in saying goodbye and having no idea when you'll see that person again.

so now. here i am. living in the in-between.

the struggle is trying not to see it as just the in-between.

trying not to feel like my calling is on hold.

its not on hold.

the Lord asked me to spend a year here preparing to move to California.

i am right where i am supposed to be.

i am smack dab in the middle of God's call on my life.

no matter how hard it may be.

no matter how much i don't want to be here.

no matter the pain of leaving my family in Alabama.

no matter the fact that i barely know anyone here and don't have a good church here. yet.

even though i have moved on and finished my Highlands College journey completely.

even though my family thinks i am insane and i have a lot of relationship conflict with them.

even though i am working towards moving to California to be part of an incredible church and serve under the leadership of some of the most phenomenal leaders i have ever met before.

i am living in the in-between, but i am right where God wants me.

sometimes in the in-between, in the seasons of waiting and preparation, it might not feel like it, but we are in the middle of God's plan.

sometimes the biggest lessons and times of growth happen in the in-between.

i know this year is going to be a challenge.

i know its going to break me.

i know i am going to face obstacles, discouragement, and so much more.

but i know that He is with me in the in-between.

He has promised never to leave me.

He has prepared the way for me here.

He came before me.

He is already going before me to California to prepare the way for that new journey.

and He is right here. with me. never to leave me or forsake me.

i'm not mad that He brought me here. i am thankful He is with me. i know i can make it through the hardship because i know He is with me. He has given me the strength and everything i need to make it through this year.

its a faith journey and adventure.

its blind faith.

its a lot of unknowns.

its not knowing what this year will bring.

but it is trusting that He is with me and i am right where He wants me to be.

in the in-between.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and very courageous. Do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." {Joshua 1:9} 

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