redemption's kiss

if you've been a Christ follower for any amount of time, you've probably heard the reference to the verse that says, "He will bestow on them a crown of beauty, instead of ashes." (Isaiah 61:3)

i've always loved this verse and held tight to the promise that it offers. but i have seen the most beautiful portrayal of the promise of this verse coming to reality in the life of a young, teenage girl i had the honor of leading to the Lord last year.

see, i've spent the past two years in full time ministry and leadership school at Church of the Highlands in Birmingham, Alabama. my life was completely transformed there and i had the privilege of being part of some big, life altering ministry for some pretty extraordinary people.

once a year, a bunch of us in the youth ministry concentration track got to put on a "spiritual emphasis week" at a local, at risk, Christian junior high/ high school. most of these kids come from broken families. a lot of them are on drugs. some of them are pregnant. many of them have suffered severe abuse. most of them come from poor families. and we wanted to go in and show them the love of Christ and help empower them to walk in a close relationship with Him, to find their purpose and go after God's dreams for them.

this particular week we were there, the theme we were pressing on them was "stand". i had the honor of leading a small group of about 7 high school girls. one of the discussion questions on this particular day was "is there anything in your life that you feel like you can't stand back up from?" i asked. no response. awkward silence. so i told them- "i'll tell you my story and what i've been able to stand up from. if i'm real with you, all i ask is that in return, you be real with me. okay?" i told them my testimony. dad abandoning my family. growing up hating him. drug addiction. poor life choices. eating disorder. cutting addiction. depression. suicidal attempts. dad dying. best friend dying in an accident. finding Jesus among the rubble. Him plucking my out and giving me life, joy and purpose.

a few of the girls opened up. one of the girls said she had something, but she didn't want to say. i pleaded with her to share with me. told her i was a safe place to share her heart with. she told me. "this summer i had an abortion. i know God forgives me. but i think about him everyday." my heart shattered for this precious little girl. i said something to the like of, "you know you're forgiven right? - you know He has washed away your stains and made you pure and whole, right" she said yes. i told her we would talk tomorrow. i wanted to pray about what to say and talk to some older women in ministry who might know better how to handle that kind of situation.

i had some mentors pray with me. shared my plan that i felt like the Lord laid on my heart. and decided i was going to step back, and let the Holy Spirit work through me. the next day, my dear friend Brittany and i led a break out service for all the girls. she shared her heart with them. i shared my heart and my story. i led them through communion and into a time of prayer and fellowship with Jesus. we left cups of grape juice and chunks of bread at the front of the room and told them that whenever they were ready, Jesus was ready to meet with them, and we made ourselves available for prayer. we saw God work miracles in the lives of dozens of girls. salvation. healing. confessing secrets and finding freedom. it was truly amazing.

we asked this sweet, young girl to stay behind so that we could talk with her and pray with her.

she opened up to the both of us and shared exactly what happened. how she got pregnant from a boy who was abusing her. how she had always been against abortion. how she talked it out with her mom and decided she didn't have any other option. how she already knew it was a boy. how she hated herself because of it and just couldn't forgive herself.

i wanted to walk her through a healing journey God placed on my heart. i told her that if she was open, real and honest with us and herself, like she had been, i felt as though God would do something incredible and it would bring a lot of healing to her heart.

i had her close her eyes and asked her what she wanted to say to her baby.

i watched as she fell apart, and had to fight to keep my own composure together.

"im sorry. im so sorry. i never wanted to kill you. i wish i could hold you. im so sorry. please forgive me. i wish i could hold you and know you and be your mommy. please forgive me."

im sorry.

im so sorry.

over and over again.

i asked her what she thought her baby wanted to say to her.

"i forgive you. i know you didn't want to do it. i wish you could hold me. you will hold me one day. im safe with Jesus. i forgive you. please forgive yourself. i love you, mommy. i love you."

i asked her to respond to her baby.

"i love you. i miss you. thank you for forgiving me. im so sorry. i just want to hold you."

her, myself and Brittney are all sobbing at this point.

i cant tell you how strongly the presence of God was in the school room.

i asked her what she wanted to say to Jesus.

"im sorry, Jesus. im so sorry. i love you. please forgive me. i want you in my life. i want to ask you to come into my life and to be my friend. to change me. to forgive me. i love you. im sorry."

i asked her what she thought Jesus wanted to say to her.

"He wants me to know that He forgives me. that He loves me. that He is holding my baby. that He doesn't blame me and He's not mad at me. that He wants to be my friend too. that He wants me to forgive myself." 

i asked her to respond to Jesus. 

"thank you for forgiving me. i love you. i love you so much. im so sorry. thank you for coming into my heart. thank you for forgiving me. thank you for taking care of my baby since i couldn't. i love you."

me and Brittany were holding her as she was talking to Jesus. we cried with her. prayed over her. told her that this was her turning point. that she was new. clean. pure. whole. free. beautiful. and that because of this, because of her story- she was going to be able to reach countless other young girls who have been through it and didn't know what to do, or how to move past it.

she looked up at us and she was shining. her face was radiant. fifteen minutes prior, her eyes told a story of shame and heartbreak. her eyes were full of hope and the love of Christ in this moment. her entire spirit and composure was different.

i told her to close her eyes and wait. i jumped up and grabbed a cup of grape juice and a chunk of bread. i kneeled in front of her and told her to open her eyes. i said to her, "this is the body and the blood of Jesus. broken and poured out for you. it heals your heart. it makes you whole. it makes you clean. it was given for you." she ripped it out of my hands and devoured it. i could see her desire for Jesus so clearly.

i pulled a white rose out from behind my back and told her that we got her a rose. its white because that is the color of purity, and Jesus had made her clean, and washed her sins as white as snow. that Jesus makes her a virgin again. that she is restored.

she fell apart again. and so did we.

i saw redemption's kiss on her life in a way i had never witnessed before. it was truly the most beautiful encounter with heaven i had ever witnessed and been a part of.

this was the personification of the promise that He gives to give us beauty for our ashes.

*this post was part of a community of writers that take 5 minutes every Friday to write, just for the love of writing. you can join in at www.lisajobaker.com*