you have one of the most tender, delicate hearts around (which one day you will know that God created it that way for a very special reason)...so i am going to speak to you with depth of love and truth. and honesty.
life is hard. and your sweet heart has already been through a good beating a time or two, even at such a young age. you have experienced and walked through things that no 13 year old girl should have to walk through. life is messy. there is no formula for how to do it right. no magic potion for happiness. and it is only going to get harder and messier. challenges will come time and again, but i promise you that in times when you feel the worst and the most down and out and attacked, you are doing something right.
you see, dear one. you have an enemy. and you are a huge threat to him. he has been trying to take you out since before you were born. you were chosen. your dad wanted to stop having children, but you mother prayed and God spoke to her and told her that He had one more for them. and that was you. a child whose calling and purpose would go far beyond either of them, or even you, could ever begin to dream up. so clearly, there is a target from the enemy on your life. he wants to stop you. he will come very close to taking your life, but as Jesus promised, He will protect you at every step and the enemy will not win in his attempts to take you out. you are an overcomer. every challenge that you encounter is no match for the power that resides inside of you.
that being said, you need to know that utmost importance of being in close proximity to the heart of God at all times. seek Him. get to know Him. know the Word of God. dive into the depths of who He is. there is no limit to what you can discover of Him, you just have to ask, seek, and knock. He is waiting for you to talk to Him. you're gonna need His presence in your life every single day if you want to make it through. never forget who God is. He is your Father (even though you may hate that thought right now, He is.), your provider, your friend, your comfort, your joy, your hope, your strength, your source of life. if you let Him, He can be your everything.
you are loved beyond all measure. your God is madly in love with you. He isn't mad at you. He isn't ashamed of you. He isn't disappointed in you. and He never will be. all He ever feels for you is love. please, please, please start to really grasp and understand how much God loves you. that knowledge will carry you through anything. even the times when your faith is tested and you start to doubt...if you fall back onto that love, you will land on your feet every time and stay standing on the solid rock. you are loved, cherished, and treasured.
lovely one. stop listening to the voices around you. don't pay so much attention to what they are saying. they only bring you condemnation, guilt, shame, and a low self-worth...and darling, you are worth so much more than that. you are beautiful. beautiful does not mean perfect or flawless, for there is beauty found in imperfection. yeah, you may go through some awkward stages...trust me, you're not alone, everyone does...but you wouldn't believe the woman you become. {all beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you. Song of Songs 4:7} so...chin up, shoulders back, let your hair down, and walk in the CONFIDENT knowledge that you are a beautiful, lovely daughter of the most high God.
you may not get attention from all the guys, but God is saving you for someone special. you'll get attention from losers, old guys, creepers, and just flat out weirdos...but hey, know that you're being protected and there's a MAN of God waiting for you, just as you are waiting for him. you know that rule that you hate so much...that you can't date till you are 18? its there to protect you. one day you will be so thankful for it. maybe you should wait till you're 25 to date. ha. but you won't. you will turn 18 and fall for the first guy that gives you attention and tells you that you are beautiful. he will steal your first kiss, and many after that. and in the end, after a short couple months, he will break your heart and you will feel a pain that you have never felt before. but time, a little chocolate, and a lot of Jesus can heal anything...and after a year of mourning this loss, you will move on and know that you deserved so much more than he ever gave you. guys will come and go, they will use you, play with your emotions and heart, make your mind go crazy, and keep you with the healthy desire to get married...but don't obsess over it. God will heal the wounds. and one day, He will bring a man who will love you, protect you, lead you, honor you, cherish you, and be the husband God created for you. wait patiently, my dear. he is coming. i haven't met him yet, but i assure you (and myself), that he is out there somewhere. perhaps on a beach in California ( but we'll get to that later). but if you remember one thing: never ever ever ever settle for a man who doesn't love Jesus. i mean REALLY love Jesus. if He is madly in love with Jesus, all the other details and desires of your heart will fall into place.
protect your purity. stay innocent. in a sex-charged and obsessed society and culture...purity is rare. but it is beautiful. you are not weird for not giving away sex like its candy. it has sacred value. it is worth waiting for. i'm waiting right along with you. and trust me, its hard. but God honors the wait and in the end, it will be so worth it. fight for purity.
you will enter of season of drugs, alcohol abuse, depression, eating disorders, and eventually try to take your own life. honey, it is not worth it. run from those things. run into the arms of your Father God. you will be set free from every addiction, but the eating disorder will leave permanent damage on your body. some of it will be healed, some won't. you will be told that you won't be able to have babies, and i know that is one of your biggest dreams, and God has promised me that you will have a child. so don't fret when the doctors tell you otherwise...God is bigger. this season will leave you with a story to tell and you will be able to walk with girls that are walking the same road you walked on. the enemy will constantly bring it back up and try to convince you that you are fat and ugly, but don't listen to him for nothin'. not even a second. silence him the very moment he comes crawling to your door. you have the authority to make him leave. you don't have to listen to him.
your story is beautiful. don't be afraid to tell it. be raw. be real. be honest.
you are a crazy dreamer. all those plans, desires and dreams in your heart...they will change over time...but cling tight to them. but when the time comes, don't be afraid to surrender them to the Lord so that He can plant His dreams for you in your heart. I'll give you a hint...you're not going to deliver babies for a living. ha! far from it. you never wanted to be in ministry, and its my joy to announce to you that you will be doing full time ministry for the rest of your life. right now, your heart wouldn't be content with anything else. and this alone will take you on a crazy journey. you'll move to the South to do 24/7. yes, that's right. you'll give God an affirmative NO for about 6 years...until you just can't resist the calling and stirring to go anymore. you'll discover your passions, giftings, and calling. one day you will be writing books and speaking in front of thousands and thousands of women. and as that may terrify you right now ( and if i'm honest, you're still terrified of it now)...it is the high calling you have been given. so live a life worthy of the calling you have received. you will be held to a higher standard, but that is what grace is for.
you are going to accomplish so much. but stay humble. its never been about you, and it never will be about you. it is all about advancing the fame of Jesus on the earth. stay low. there's nothing beneath you. low enough to clean a toilet or wash someone's feet. low enough to hand an incredible opportunity to someone else in order to see them grow and walk in their calling. stay low. stay humble. don't let pride creep in. this will never be about you. you are a mouth piece and a writer of the words of Heaven that God will give to you. you are chosen, called, and anointed for this. but its not about your calling, its all about Jesus. {Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5}
people will ridicule your dreams. you will be called crazy. they won't believe that your dreams are possible. the fact that you are a woman in itself sets you up for more challenges than the average person called to full time ministry. but listen, your voice is just as important as any man's. a house needs the voice of a mother and a father in order to function right...and you are going to be a mother in the house of God. so don't pay attention to the doubters, the people that tell you you're insane. you're not. you're a dreamer, and God made you that way because He knew you would need that crazy, mountain moving faith that most people don't have the guts to have. you have it, so never let it go. you walk by faith, and not by sight, and that is a beautiful thing.
don't ever devalue your gifts and talents. don't ever stop writing. you will, but don't. you were given words to scribe and speak. you must keep writing. even when its painful.
and if you ever catch yourself comparing yourself with other...STOP. nip it in the bud. you don't need that. you are you. you were created to be unique. from your looks to your calling. you will be surrounded by amazing leaders with amazing gifts and callings...but never forget yours. there's room enough in the Kingdom for all of you. and you are beautiful in your own skin. they are beautiful too, but so are you, my dear.
bitterness is a nasty, nasty thing. and it will grow roots in your heart. and it will be painful when those roots are ripped from their places. but never let it grow again. if bitterness tries to pop its ugly head up, shut it down. it is not worth it. be slow to anger, and quick to forgive.
you miss your dad. a lot. you wonder all the time why he left. you are insecure because you never had a daddy to tell you that you are beautiful. but God is your perfect Father. its safe to trust Him. He won't leave you. ever. your dad will die when you are 15. but you will get to chance to see him one more time, to hear him ask for forgiveness, to experience a beautiful moment of reconciliation. there will be a void in your life forever, but there is healing and joy in Jesus. and in your college years, God will give you a man who will be your spiritual father that will blow away all of your expectations and desires that you've wanted in a father for your whole life. he will love you, lead you, protect you, listen to you, affirm your worth, speak truth to you, know you better than anyone else, point you to Jesus, believe in you, and be one of your best friends and heroes. he will make fun of you all the time, so start sharpening your wit and quick humor now. you'll need it.
value your family. seriously. they can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. but they are incredible people, flawed...but great. you will butt heads with them a lot. but they love you. accept them and love them the way they are. you will be a leader and a catalyst in your family one day. love the mess out of them. don't just tolerate them. they are some of the most important souls in your life. and just know...you will have a relationship with your brother one day. don't let bitterness grow...he is an incredible man and will be one of your closest allies one day. your sisters are your forever friends. your brothers are there to protect you and love you. and your mom...you will fight a lot, you will get on each others nerves, you will want to punch her and run away from her...but it will get better. you will be friends one day. and it will come in seasons that will come and go. she is wounded. have grace for her at all times. she loves you deeply.
don't be afraid to be BOLD. you feel things with an intensity that most people don't. you love deeper than most. you are passionate about things. you go all in or nothing. and that's a good thing. it can also get you in a lot of trouble if its not used correctly. but do not be afraid to be bold and passionate. you were created this way for a reason.
the most important thing i can tell you is to be careful of the relationships you chose. you will probably hear your youth pastor say about 10,000 times, "show me your friends and i'll show you your future." as cheesy as it sounds, it is the absolute truth. you will become like the people you surround yourself with. because of this you will get into drugs and alcohol. at other times you will share in their negativity and depression. it will even lead you to your days of bulimia and anorexia. be very, very picky of who you get close to. don't be afraid to love people, but always protect your heart and be wise in who you let influence you. you can be in the world and not of it. surround yourself with godly, Jesus loving people. one of your best friends will walk away from the Lord for a number of years, but NEVER stop praying for her or believing for her...because of your constant love and prayers...she will come back running to Jesus' arms. and she will be the best friend you will ever have. you will make amazing, covenant friendships that will last a lifetime. God has some really, really, really phenomenal human beings down the road to be your friends, brothers and sisters. you are not alone. ever.
don't have any secrets. they will eat you alive and destroy you. turns out God really does know what He is talking about when He says {confess your sins to one another, and you will be healed. James 5:16}
be brave. be valiant. be full of faith. cast off all the fears that want to bog you down. they are broken chains, and unfortunately you won't throw them off for many, many years...but know that you are free. you just have to walk in it.
always be obedient to what the Lord asks you to do. even when it seems absolutely crazy. one simple conversation could change the very course of your life. (and it will)...so always be alert and obedient to the whispers of the Holy Spirit. you're sensitive and able to hear Him for a reason. so listen well.
God has some wild, crazy, scary, massive, earth-shaking plans for you...lovely one. I cannot wait to see where He takes you and what He uses you to accomplish.
never, ever, ever give up.
don't forget where you came from, and never lose sight of where you are going.
go on adventure.
be random.
make the most of every moment and opportunity.
be a good friend.
be compassionate.
love extravagantly.
embrace all the things that make you unique.
and one last thing. never take life too seriously. laugh. have fun. do stupid, crazy things. and always be yourself. you are enough. stop hiding. you have so much to offer.
so much love and all of the courage i can pass on to you,
your older self.
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