home.

I miss home.

I miss everything about home.

I wake up thinking about Alabama, and I go to sleep thinking about Alabama.

I don't like not being there.

I miss my family.

I miss my friends.

I miss my church.

I miss my house.

I miss the beautiful scenery. The trees. The lakes. The rivers. The breathtaking sunsets.

I miss being in a place where I know I belong.

I miss Monday and Thursday chapels with my Highlands College family.

I miss Switch.

I miss my students.

I miss my dogs.

I miss my spiritual moms and dads.

I miss serving in the nursery.

I miss being somewhere where I can call up a number of people to spend time with, and they'll be there.

I found myself wanting to go somewhere and do something the other night, but I don't have any friends here that I can call to do that. At least not ones I'm close enough with to do that.

I miss Pastor Chris's messages on Sundays.

I miss CORE.

I miss going to Sam's Club to shop for Switch.

I miss my D-Group.

I miss the Starbucks on 119.

I miss my brother, sister-in-law, and my favorite kids.

I miss playing sports with HC.

I miss the humidity.

I miss the craziness of my homesponsors.

I miss them making fun of me and all the fun times we have as a family.

I miss going to church and seeing my HC family.

I miss late night talks with my homesponsors.

I miss walks with my roommate.

I need to stop lamenting. I just miss everything about Alabama so much.

85 days until I go home. But nobody is counting, right?

day four. family.

I come from a highly dysfunctional family.

My dad left us for another woman when I was seven years old. My mom never remarried, so I have never had the presence of a dad or known what it was like to have a dad. We don't really communicate in my family. We don't ever share our emotions or talk about what we are feeling. Everything stays pretty surface level. My mother doesn't listen most of the time. She hears, but is very unresponsive and I can tell she isn't listening. It sometimes feels like we are all drawing further and further apart from one another. I love my family to death, but we have issues.

Since I've been in Alabama, God has completely given me a new picture of what family means.

Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the lonely in families."

I never understood what that verse meant until I found family here.

In my school, its more than just a school...its a family. We are brothers and sisters. My friends are more than just friends. Those are my brothers and sisters. My teachers...more than just instructors, they are spiritual mothers and fathers. We all love each other and accept each other as one big, happy family.

My home sponsors. I was just thinking about this today, as my time is quickly wrapping up with them. They are more than just the people I live with, they are my family. Legitimately. I can't even tell you how much I love them. They have impacted my life in extraordinary measures.

My roommate, Brooke, said it best tonight...she said that the same anxiety she felt leaving home for the first time, leaving her mom and dad to come here...as in, "what am I going to do when I come home and mom and dad aren't there?" She said she feels the same way now about leaving them. That perfectly describes it. Sam and Jackie are family. They're like our mom and dad here.

I don't remember when my dad was around, only when he wasn't. This is the first time in my life that I have known what it is like to have a dad. A father who loves, genuinely cares about me, believes in me, wants the best for me, provides for me, protects me. To feel the embrace of a father. Its incredible. Its something I've never known. I have been asking God for my entire life to give me someone who could be a spiritual dad on earth. I know God is our Father but I wanted a father figure here...and He brought me all the way to Birmingham, Alabama to give me the most incredible spiritual dad that He could ever possible give me. Its been such a blessing knowing him and Jackie, and even more so, living in their home and being a part of their family.

Jackie is like another mom to me. I love that woman so much. She is full of fire, passion, drive and love. She has instilled in me a sense of confidence and believing in myself and that who I am is enough. I don't feel like I have to try to be something I'm not around her. I can be me. Just Kasey. I've never been able to do that around anybody before. And I can with them. I have learned so much from her the past couple months and will forever treasure the nuggets of wisdom she has imparted to me.

God does indeed set the lonely in families. I left my family in Colorado to move all the way across the country and God gave me another family here. I've been a mess today and I'm sure I will be the rest of the week, just thinking about leaving everybody here and my family. I love them so much. They are treasures in my life and I am so blessed to have them. I thank God everyday for placing them in my life and giving me to honor and privilege of knowing them and learning from them. I've been hugging them a little tighter and more often and soaking up every moment I have left. These are relationships I want to last a lifetime. These relationships are treasures and gems that aren't to be thrown and abused. I honor and respect them so much. They have changed my life more than Highlands College itself.

I was thinking on Monday night when we had spa night at the hospital for moms of chronically sick kids...if I hadn't gone to this outreach last November, what would my life look like today? I would have never met Sam and Jackie. I would have never had that incredible, life-changing God encounter in the prayer room with Sam...actually multiple. Cause of that...I would probably still be living in a lot of fear and captivity and bondage. And I would have never gotten to live with them for the past couple months and gotten all the incredible wisdom, love and joy that living here has given me. I wouldn't have the most incredible spiritual dad that I could have ever asked for. I wouldn't have an extraordinary woman of God as my spiritual mother. I would not be the person I am today...6 months later.

It goes to show that when we are obedient to God's calling and what He tells us to do, where He tells us to go...no matter how small...He honors that. He takes it to another level. So much can come out of something so small. Its incredible how much has come out of that one little outreach at the hospital. I would have never ever ever imagined how much my life would change by going to serve a group of broken women that night. I thought it would end there...but I am still feeling and walking in the blessings and effects from that nights. And I get to treasure these relationships for a very long time. 

This life is beautiful. God sets the lonely in families. He has incredible blessing in store for us when we listen to and obey His calling.

I love you, Maniscalcos. Forever. Thank you for the extraordinary blessing you have been to me and allowing me to be a part of your family. You are beautiful souls and rare treasures. Your impact is far beyond what you will ever understand.

day three. finishing strong.

Today I got to tell my story from Highlands College Expedition for a video that is promoting the "iCan Strength Bracelets". I really hate being in front of the camera, but I told my home sponsor that I would do it. He's done so much for me, I really couldn't say no. 

At one point, one of the guys recording me asked me to explain how I felt when I realized that I could do all things through Christ. 

I honestly didn't know what to say. It was so hard to put that moment into words. 

It was an overwhelming feeling of love and grace. Knowing for the first time in my life, truly believing that I have a Daddy in Heaven who believes in me, encourages me, is cheering me on, and gives me the power to do anything and everything. "Strength to conquer anything"...like the bracelet says. I have always believed in other people, but never in myself. In that moment, when I reached the top of that rock, the fear of not being good enough was put to death and the Spirit of God breathed His power and life back into that area of my heart that had been dead and hopeless for so long. 

Have you ever thought about that that verse really means? 

Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

Let me tell you what it doesn't say. It doesn't say, "I can do all things, except..." or, "I can do all things, but..."

No no no. It says "I can do ALL things, through Christ who gives me strength." 

I looked up the Greek original meaning of the word "all" in this passage, and you know what it means? 

ALL. 

With Jesus inside of you, there is nothing you can't do. Nothing. 

I was talking with Sam today and he said "Don't ever let anybody tell you that you can't. Not even yourself. You can." 

The word "can't" shouldn't even be part of a Christ follower's vocabulary. For real. There's literally nothing that you can't do. 

When I was running a half marathon a couple weeks ago, my mind said "I can't do this." My spirit man said, "You've got this. Jesus finished strong so that you can finish strong. You can do all things." Guess what? I finished that marathon. I ran 11 miles and walked the other two. I've never ran that far in my entire life, but Jesus gave me the strength. I had so many moments along the way where I wanted to give up. I would say things like, "I can't take another step. It hurts too much. I'm not gonna finish." I told satan to suck it and I kept running through the pain and discomfort. 

I had a moment during the last mile where I wanted to turn in. I stood there feeling like giving up, like I couldn't go on. Then Pastor Mark and Pastor Hayes drove by and gave me that one boost of encouragement. That one, "You're doing so well. I'm so proud of you. You can do this. You're almost there." And that gave me the drive to finish strong. I realized in that moment that life isn't made in the easy moments, its made in the difficult moments. the times when you feel like you can't take another step. When you have no strength left. When you're in so much pain you feel like collapsing. Its made in the moments where you want to give up, but keep going because life with Jesus is all about finishing strong. If we don't finish strong, we sell ourselves short. Jesus was loyal to us and He finished strong for us, even to the point of dying the most painful death in history...so what really is there in this world that we couldn't overcome and finish strong? 

Its always the most difficult in the last sprint. That last mile was the hardest part of the race. I had to keep going otherwise I would have sat down and given up. There was no way I was going to give up. It was not an option. I walked and got to where I could see the finish line...and my family was there, cheering me on. I sprinted as fast as I could and crossed that line, giving everything I had and holding nothing back. I finished that race strong and chose to listen to my Daddy who said "You've got this. Let me empower you." 

The same is for us in life. We have a Father and all of the people who have gone before us and finished their races, standing at the finish line, cheering your name, encouraging you, going wild with every win and success. Every failure, they are shouting "Get back up! You can do this! Try again! You're almost there!" They're waiting for you to cross the finish line. 

And when we cross that finish line we get to hear the most beautiful words of all time, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have finished your race." 

Finish strong. Be loyal to Jesus as He is loyal to you. Know that you can do all things. Strength to conquer anything. 

During the race, I had God teach me a lesson in humility. 

I ran the entire race alone, which was fine by me. But I got to a point where it was about the last two miles and I was right behind this girl Jessi, and right in front of my best friend, Liz. Well, Liz and I had a little falling out for the past about two months. I was hurting, hot, wanting to not be running anymore, I was angry at her for leaving me in the dust with no explanation, and I was absolutely not going to let her beat me. No way in hell was I going to finish behind Liz. It just wasn't going to happen. I would look back every couple minutes to monitor her pace and see if I could afford to walk for a minute, being very strategic in my movements. 

I heard out of nowhere God say to me, "Let her finish ahead of you." 

"Excuse me, God?" 

"Let her go ahead of you." 

"No. You're crazy. Absolutely not. I'm going to beat her." 

"No, you're going to let her finish ahead of you." 

"Why in the world would I do that?"

Every verse about humility came rushing in my head in that moment. "Consider others better than yourselves. Look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up." 

"Ugh. Okay, God. Fine. I get it." 

I swallowed my pride, slowed down, and let Liz finish ahead of me. I finished exactly 3 minutes behind her. It was 3 minutes of humility and grace that I will never forget. I let her get the prize of finishing before me. Then, I hated it. Now, I see the beautiful lesson that God was trying to teach me. To value others above myself. To empower other people to finish their races, even though I may want to finish first...its all about relationships and empowering others to do well. That's a part of leadership. We lead by serving others and seeing them fulfill their God given potential.