He has made everything beautiful in its time: photo shoot.

One of my best friends in Colorado is a photographer, and I let her practice on me whenever she wants. Here are a few of my favorites from this week:

taking off the mask.

My spiritual dad, Sam, authors a blog called The Seed of Hope. This past Tuesday, his post really resonated in my heart with what God has been teaching me as of late. The post was called "Fatherly Advice." It was God's fatherly advice to him.

He talked about how the Lord told him that he was perfect. Not that he was literally flawless, but that the way God created him and the way God sees him is PERFECT. This is what he says God spoke to him:

  

"When you were born, Sam, you were PERFECT. You came into this world exactly the way that I wanted you to be, because I don’t make mistakes. You looked exactly the way that I wanted you to look, and you had the heart and mind that I wanted you to have. You were perfect in every way.

And then the world and the enemy polluted your mind and robbed you of the perfectness that I created in you. You were still perfect in My eyes, but you lost sight of it in yours. You forgot. It’s time to remember who you are, how you were made, and to begin walking out the plans that I have for you" (www.theseedofhope.com)

How powerful. "Its time to remember who you are, how you were made, and to begin walking out the plans I have for you."

A few months ago, my roommate, Brooke, told me, "You haven't changed, Kasey, you've simply become who you really were all along." Who I really was all along was just buried under a lifetime of fear, doubts, guilt, shame, mistakes, and believing lies. I have become and am becoming the person that God originally had in mind when He created me.

I have come to the realization that I wear masks and keep walls around my heart and life so I won't get hurt.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, with the exception of my sister and her boyfriend, has seen my real personality. If you ask most people, they would say that I am quiet, reserved, shy and timid. Ha! That is not me at all. Its just the person I have been projecting out my whole life.

I started my hiding at 5 years old. I was an awesome 5 year old kid. Loud, crazy, and fun. Then I started school. And I stopped talking. My teacher thought I had some kind of speech impediment cause I never spoke. So began my hiding. My trying to please people and be what they wanted me to be.

I was talking to Sam tonight and telling him the realization that I've had and how nobody has seen my real personality. He says, "Not even me? Really??" Here's the thing about Sam. Someway, somehow, he knows me better than literally everyone else. He can read my mail like nobody's business. Its great. I love it. But there is really nothing I can hide. 

He says, "Girl, you can try to tell me that all you want, but you know its not true. I always knew you were hiding under a mask and the person you projected to be wasn't really you. I've always known you were crazy. I knew you were a freak and you have this crazy, weird, wild side inside you that you never let anyone see. Whenever I'd do something and you'd grin and shake your head, you were thinking, 'My God he's a freak...but I'm the same way, I just can't let anyone know that.' I know who you really are even though you have never let it out."

Seriously? Its ridiculous how well he knows me. Even things I've never told him, he knows.

I'm done hiding. I'm done not letting people see my true colors. There is no reason to hide behind a mask.

Romans 9:20 says, "But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”

I'm not this shy, quiet, timid person that everyone thinks I am. I'm loud. I'm crazy. I'm fun. I can be really obnoxious. I do weird things. I dance around the house like nobody is watching. I sing opera in my car, no matter what song is playing. I make awesome animal noises. I have an awesome sense of humor and can be super quick and witty when I have someone to banter with. I always want to talk to somebody. I don't care who. I love talking with people and sharing my opinion and heart with them. I hate that the enemy has kept me silent for so long, no more. My sister's boyfriend got me hopped up on caffeine the other night, and honestly, that was the most "me" I have ever been. Its fun being me.

I am enough. Its good enough for me to be just me. Just Kasey. I can be me because God made me just the way He wanted, and He sees me as perfect.Who am I to deny what He created just to make people happy? I don't care what people think, I really don't. There's no reason to. If people don't want to be around me because of my fire for God or my crazy weird personality, I'm okay with that. I can finally say that I am secure in who I am.

I make the best monkey noise ever. And I'm not ashamed of it.

you walk with me through fire, and heal all my disease.

If you have been following my quaint little blog for any amount of time, you probably know that I have been through the wringer medically the past 8 months.

I had surgery in October to remove a tennis ball cyst from my ovary.

I was told the cysts wouldn't come back. They did. They do. All the time.

They grow, they rupture. They grow, they rupture. Its a sick cycle. I miss a period about every 3 months and have abnormal bleeding. The pain never fully goes away. My doctor didn't seem interested in trying to figure out what is wrong or helping me.

I decided to get a second opinion. The only problem was that I dropped my insurance and am still trying to pay off $3,000 worth of medical bills from my last hospital stay.

I've been searching for an answer or a way to milk the system since I got back to Colorado.

Last night I stumbled upon the fact that there is a women's clinic Dream Center in town. I decided to check it out and found that treatment there is completely free.

I went in today to inquire about getting an appointment.

The man at the front desk says that they are booked until August.

Okay. "When in August?" I asked.

August 25th.

Well junk. I'm moving back to Alabama on August 14th.

I asked if there was anything before then. He asked if I had an urgent or pressing condition or concern. I explained my situation and all that has been going on and expressed my fears and frustrations.

The woman sitting next to him starts looking through the schedule and says, "Oh. We had a cancellation today. We'll see you in 45 minutes."

Can you say JESUS?!

Unfortunately today was one of those days where I rolled out of bed, threw my hair up in a bun, put on sweats and went to class. I took no care to my appearance at all. So I had to speed home and take the fastest shower of my life. I ain't seeing no women's doctor without a shower. Ha!

So I go back and give the woman at the desk my drivers license and she says, "Any relation to Kellen?" What? Yeah. He's my brother. She told me how they see him like family and go way back, both her daughters are friends with my brothers, and they both did 24/7 in Alabama. I told her that I'm in 24/7 in Alabama. Small world, huh?

So I went in and went through all the routine vitals, "why are you here?", medical history, "are you pregnant?", "could you possibly be pregnant?" questions and routine. I've gotten used to it. Ha!

She decided to do a full exam and she said that as far as she could tell, everything is normal right now and she couldn't feel any enlarged organs or issues. She also said she wasn't able to completely reach the end so its possible she couldn't feel if there was anything. Good news is she said I don't have to deal with getting another one until I get married!

So I am going back in 3 weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. She said that the ultrasound will be an extensive look at my organs and that will tell them what is going wrong, show any abnormalities, diagnose PCOS/Endometriosis/whatever the heck else it could be. After that she's going to sit down with me and we're going to discuss treatment options and the best way to manage my cysts.

This doctor actually cared to listen to me, about my concerns, and wants to help me manage and get this junk under control. She was so nice, gentle, understanding and sympathetic. A complete contrast to my doctor in Birmingham. He's great...just too clinical and by the book. And he's a man.

I will write as soon as I get a diagnosis or further information and my treatment plan.

If you read this, I ask that you would be praying for me. One, I need healing. I believe God can heal me. Two, when I go back that my doctor would be able to come up with the best plan to fix me and that God would give her wisdom and insight. Three, I still need God to provide the money to pay off my old medical bills so the debt collectors will quit hounding me. Thank you so much! 

This all just shows me how much God is my provider, sustainer, healer, and how He cares about everything in our lives. He wants the best for us.

This is the biggest blessing in the world. I'm so happy He is finally working all of this together for my good. And all the treatment I am getting at this place is completely FREE. Such a big deal!

All He asks is that we ask Him and simply trust that He is good and He will come through.