Tribute to Luke.

I never thought I would have to walk through something like this.

On Monday, July 11, 2011, my best guy friend, Luke, was killed. He was pulling out of his driveway, dropped his gun on the floor of his car, reached to grab it and the gun accidentally fired, the bullet going through his hand, chest, then head. His car went through a number of fences and rolled several times. I found on the next day, on his Facebook.

My heart sunk.

How could that possibly be? How could he be gone, here on minute and gone the next?

It is still not real to me. I have wept and cried and tried to process things, but it still all seems so surreal. It hasn't fully hit me yet.

What makes it all the more worse, to me, is that he was coming to pick me up that night. We were going to spend time together. He said he was feeling alone, so I suggested we go hang out. If only we hadn't decided to go out, perhaps Luke would still be alive. I can't help but think of the "what ifs". I feel guilty, but I know he wouldn't want me to.

I want to share with you a little bit about this extraordinary young man I had the privilege of knowing for a short year.

Luke wasn't what society would call "normal". No, he marched to the beat of his own drum, and didn't care what people thought about him. He wasn't perfect, but he was incredibly real. Probably one of the most real people I have ever known. He was always open and honest, showing who He was in everything that he did.

Luke was selfless. He was always there to extend a helping hand to those in need, and he never expected anything in return. A true servant.

Luke was passionate. He was deeply in love with His Savior, Jesus Christ. He was passionate about sharing Jesus with others and seeing them come to know the Lord how he had. A few weeks ago he told me that one of his friends he had been talking to for a very long time about Jesus finally made the decision to ask Jesus to come into his life, and Luke was so excited.

He was passionate about justice. Luke and I were in the process of starting a human trafficking awareness group, called Empathy Strike, to educate people and do what we could to damage this horrendous form of darkness. He loved justice.

He was kind. He was empathetic. Compassionate. He was always a listening ear, and always cared about what others were going through.

Luke was funny. He had a wild and crazy sense of humor, and I remember all the times he made me laugh like few people could.

He called me "AK". One day he said, "Your name backwards is 'Yesak', so the only logical thing to call you is 'AK'...so he did. I'm going to miss that. The times I look at my phone and wish I could get a text from him 'AK. Poke.' But that won't happen.

He saw worth in people that no one else would see, recognize, or acknowledge. He was the first guy to see and show me my worth, without having alternative intentions. He built up mine and many others' confidence and self-value.

He proved to me that chivalry still exists. He opened doors. He helped me put my coat on in the winter. He paid for things when we hung out. A true gentleman.

There really are no words to do justice to how much of an extraordinary person Luke was. He was full of love.

But, Luke is no longer here. He is with Jesus. He is happy. He no longer has to suffer from the constant torment and attack the enemy was always throwing at him. He has entered into the joy of his salvation.

To be honest, I'm kind of jealous of him. He got to see Jesus first. He gets to behold the God of everything for the rest of eternity.

Luke, you will never know the impact you had on my life and on so many others. You were my brother. I love you. I will miss you. I cling tight to the hope that you are with our Lord and I will see you again one day.

There is a verse that I believe describes his life perfectly. It says,

Micah 6:8 (MSG) -- "But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously—take God seriously."

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God.

Your memory will go on forever, dear friend. Give Jesus the biggest hug in the history for me. I'll see you on the other side.

Be Who You Were Created to Be!

So many times in life we care far too much what others think about us. I've had enough.

Tonight, I dressed up like a cow to get free Chick-Fil-A. I drove with the windows down with Lecrae blasting through the speakers. I'm six feet tall and wore 4-inch heels to church.

And through all of this, I did not care what people thought.

Honestly, why are the opinions of others so often the defining factor for how we live our lives? I don't understand. Life is too short to live to please others.

I am saying this now, but it the past I was most definitely a people pleaser. I used to be consumed with making other people happy, and focusing all my efforts on making people like me. I was so scared of rejection that I would do anything to make people like me.

I even got to the point where I realized that I had conformed myself so many times to what other people wanted me to be, that I no longer knew who I was. This was back in November. Sitting locked in a hotel bathroom in Dallas, crying harder than I had in a long time, breaking down in the middle of an identity crisis. I had no idea who I was. I was a mixture of what so many other people wanted me to be that I had forgotten who I was, who I wanted to be, and most importantly the woman that God created me to be.

I made a resolution that I was not going to conform to the desires of others any longer. I was on a mission to find out who I was and live the way that God created me to live. I let go of my obsessive need to please people and knew that I was created to please God and Him alone.

I can now say "no" to people and not have a fear that they will be upset or not like me anymore, because first of all, that is completely ridiculous, and second of all, I just don't care. Because really...if someone loves you it isn't based off of what you can do for them, and if it is, you shouldn't be friends cause they are only in it for themselves.

I can talk about my morals, my Jesus, my testimony and my beliefs and not care what people think of me. It doesn't matter. I stand firm in what I believe and I will not be shaken. I am determined to take as many people as I can to Heaven with me. Today I was told "Its not like Bible days where virginity was important and you waited for marriage to have sex. Sex is the way of the world now, there's something wrong with you and there's no reason to wait. " I simply said, "I refuse to give myself to someone who I am not in a covenant with and who is not prepared to love and lay his life down for me for the rest of his life. I'm waiting. You can say what you want but I am not gonna change my mind." Really..."The way of the world."...all the more reason not to do it, cause we are called to be separate from the world.

The lies of rejection and abandonment make people do the most absurd things to get others to like them. Just stop. Stop caring what people think and it will be one of the most freeing things you will ever experience. Chains will fall and break when you begin to live for an audience of One.

Go discover yourself and be who you were created to be. :)

Dancing With Jesus

This post is a response to a blog post entitled, "Hey, Stripper!" It hit my heart and I had to share what began to stir inside of me as I read each word. It holds such deep truth and encouragement for both men and women. So many times we hear the lies of culture and exposure makes us start to believe them, but we must be reminded of the Truth. (seeprestonblog.com/2011/07/hey-stripper/)

I work with 90% men. I am one of two girls that works dayshift at my job, sometimes I love it, and other times I loathe it and wish I had a female counterpart to express my frustration to. All day I listen to the guys make comments and gestures about women and young girls that come into my store. "I'd bone that." "Hey mama." "Ooohh piece of candy!" "I would do unspeakable things to her in bed." "That girl has some ass!" All day. Everyday.

One day they were talking and saying that if you start a relationship by paying for things, eventually the girl will get comfortable around you and all of a sudden they show up in sweats and no makeup and ask to go do something. One guy says, "So I say to that, 'well, go change into something where I can see your ass, fix your face, and then maybe we'll talk about going out."

I honestly don't know if I have heard more disrespectful comments about women than ones I have heard at work. So, having been around this for nearly a year and a half, I have had to fight to not believe what I have heard and seen. Is all men want really an ass, breasts and sex? Something to look at, touch, feel and use for their own pleasure? Why are the only girls that they pay attention to the ones with shorts skirts and cleavage hanging out?

I have, time after time, made a commitment to live in purity. In the way I dress, speak, act, think and live out my life; in the secret place, in public, around my girlfriends and especially around guys. You know how much male attention I get? Little to none. The only guys who take notice are desperate, old creepers who just want a young piece of meat. I swear its like my mother is praying that I get no male attention so I keep my focus on God. (I know she does this, she did it with my sister until her husband came along and we knew he was the one.) So frustrating. And it only feeds the lie that in order to get attention, I have to dress a certain way, have my hair perfectly groomed in a way that accentuates my face, and have no flaws or at least have make-up covering any ones I might have.

I want a man to love me for my heart, my personality, and I know I have so much to offer, but it frustrates me to no end that no man seems to want that. Maybe who I am isn't enough.

About three years ago, I bought into the lie that I was fat and in order to be loved and worth something I needed to lose weight. I began starving myself, skipping meals, throwing up everything I ate, and running in all my spare time. I lost weight rapidly, but I lost a lot more. I lost my health, I lost my self-worth, I lost my drive to fight-and gave into every lie the enemy was feeding me. I was stuck in this life for nearly seven months before Jesus stepped into my dark pit and lifted me out, setting me completely free.

I am getting mixed signals. Like an AM radio. So many different sounds, and so hard to make out which one to listen to. One says, "guys only like you for your body." Another says, "no guy will ever notice you unless you show him what he wants to see." Another shouts, "Just give him what he wants to feel loved, wanted!"

But the voice that shouts louder than them all and makes all other fade away, is not a shout, but a still small voice. He is saying, "Daughter. I love you. You are worth far more than the most expensive diamonds on earth. Protect your heart. Hide yourself in me. Dance with me, and when the time comes, I will let the right man take your hand and you will dance with him for the rest of your lives. You are beautiful. You are treasured. You are loved. Your patience and endurance will pay off in my timing. Wait."

Lovely one, it may not seem like you are noticed, wanted, or loved by a man. I know that this struggle is especially prevalent for you beautiful souls that did not have a father around to tell you how beautiful you are, how much he loves you, how much of a treasure you are. I grew up without my father. I never heard the words, "You are lovely. You captivate me." And oh how my heart longs to hear those words.

Fatherless sister, you are not fatherless, you have a Father. He is perfect. He will never leave you. He will never turn away from you. He is captivated by your every move. He can't wait for you to wake up in the morning, just so He can talk to you, watch you, love on you. He wants to wrap you in His arms and tell you how amazing you are. His embrace is eternal. Crawl up into the lap of your Father and listen to His heartbeat. Let Him sing the song He is singing over your life into your ear. He loves you with an everlasting love. You are loved. You are treasured.

Beloved sister, if you have been used, abused, violated, or given yourself freely to a man in hopes of feeling love. You may feel dirty and worthless, but I have good news for you. You have been made new. There is hope, there is forgiveness and restoration. Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation, the old has been buried and the NEW has come. God wipes away every stain and blemish on our lives, and calls us clean. God throws our sins and past into the ocean and puts up a "No Fishing" sign. No one can bring up your past but you. The blood of Jesus makes you pure. You are not a "slut" or a "whore", you simply wanted to be loved, and my heart breaks for you. Let Jesus take your filth and rags, and replace them with a pure white wedding gown.

Lovely One, YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are worth being loved, treasured, respected, and honored by a man who has fallen in love with your heart and the beauty that radiated from the inside to the outside. Don't sell yourself short. Don't lower your expectations. Don't reveal yourself to a man who is not prepared to serve and love you for the rest of his life within a covenant relationship. Who you are is enough. Who you are is perfect for the man God has waiting for you. Pray for him and guard your heart.

Dance with Jesus.

Paid In Full

I was talking with a friend about the issue of human trafficking and how the evil behind it makes me incredibly sick. I made a comment about how I think that every sick man or woman who sells or buys a woman or child for their own pleasure deserves to have each limb torn off of their body and chopped up into pieces, suffering immense amounts of pain. Then it hit me, I am deserving of the same sentence. My sin put Jesus on the cross every bit as much as each sick pervert who uses innocent girls and children. My sin ripped my Savior's back to shreds just as much as the murderer, the adulterer, the pervert, the thief, and the liar. It was my sin that drove 8 inch spikes through my Beloved's wrists and feet. I am no less deserving of judgement as someone I see as "evil". Granted, evil does exist and is very prevalent in our world, the Bible says that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I deserve hell just as much as the woman who murdered her child and was found "not guilty".

We all deserve hell. We all deserve death. We all deserve execution.

But I suppose that this is the beauty of mercy. Every one of us humans deserve death, but there is a God who is our Forgiver, Redeemer, and Savior. There is no spectrum of sin in His eyes, all sin is the same. Murder and a "little white lie"? Its the same and with the standard of grace there is no difference. People see wrongdoings and sin as having a scale of "okay" to "death deserving", when really, God sees it as all the same. We all deserve the same fate. But because of the mercy of God, we can have forgiveness and be saved from hell.

I don't think we understand the gravity of what we have been saved from. We were saved from an eternity of complete separation from the presence of God. An eternity of suffering. An eternity of loneliness. Jesus came down and became one of us, and took back the keys of death, and plucked us up from the power that hell had over our lives. We have been made new. Free.

I am guilty. But the precious blood of Jesus has washed over me and cleansed my sins. He nailed my sins to the cross and marked my life, my wickedness, "PAID IN FULL." He paid for all of our lives. The price has been paid. So, as easy as it is to judge and comment about how horrible someone is, we must strive to live to demonstrate the same mercy we have been shown. Every life has a sign nailed to its soul, stating "Paid In Full.", if they accept the gift of Christ Jesus. Forgiveness is available to all who will humble themselves and simply ask for it.

Will you continue to carry around a debt you could never pay, or will you accept the free gift of Jesus and let Him wash you in His blood so that when God looks at you, He sees that you have been marked, "PAID IN FULL."?

James 2:13 "There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you"