yet I will say of the Lord...

I am in a season of trusting God.

My mind and my body say "Something is terribly wrong."

My spirit, heart and soul say "Trust God."

Psalm 27:8 "My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek"

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

Its a battle between which voice I am going to choose to listen to. I have no doubt that God is good. I have never doubted and will never doubt God's goodness. He is good. He will never stop being good. He has my back. He has everything under control. He is for me. If God is for me, who can be against me?

Right now I feel like everything is warring against me. My physical health. My financial situation. Family problems. Literally, everything that could be going wrong, is.

Psalm 91:2 "Yet, I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

I can do nothing but trust God. Trust that He is good and He has my good in mind.

I stand in the middle of a cosmic battle of the soul. Good and evil war against each other all around me. Angels and demons. My God and my enemy. It is a constant battle, but the battle has already been one. Jesus has conquered and He has won over my heart.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

There is power in the Name of Jesus. I have the God of everything on my side. It doesn't matter what tries to come against me, it cannot win. If its cancer, it cannot and will not win. If I am physically unable to bear children, infertility will not and cannot win. God wins. Jesus has already won. I just have to trust Him and hold tight to my Daddy's hand and trust that He's got me.

I am in a season where I can't talk to anybody about how I'm feeling. Nobody gets it. Nobody really understands. Everyone says, "You're fine. Suck it up. Everything is perfect." I know I am healed. I believe Jesus has healed me. I believe the Blood of Jesus purchased my healing. I have been made perfect. But the reality is, my body tells me something is wrong. And something is wrong. Something is being thrown out of whack. And it need to be made right. I am always in pain. I don't doubt that healing is mine, but I find myself in a state of having a broken body, and it is breaking my spirit. I am learning once again what it means to trust God when I have no idea what is going on or where I am going. And He is faithful. He is lulling my heart back to sleep in the midst of the storm going on around me.

I found an incredible exercise that stirs up faith and trust in my heart. Whenever I am overcome with doubt or fear, I speak out every single Bible verse and promise of God about who He is and who I am in Him. Every single verse I know, I say it out loud. After awhile I begin to believe what God says, and not what my mind and body are telling me.

God is faithful. He is real. He is good. I don't doubt it. I just need Him to help me in my unbelief.

I feel like I am rambling and not making any real sense, everything I'm thinking and saying is unbalanced, I just needed to write what was going on in my mind.