He has made everything beautiful in its time: photo shoot.

One of my best friends in Colorado is a photographer, and I let her practice on me whenever she wants. Here are a few of my favorites from this week:

taking off the mask.

My spiritual dad, Sam, authors a blog called The Seed of Hope. This past Tuesday, his post really resonated in my heart with what God has been teaching me as of late. The post was called "Fatherly Advice." It was God's fatherly advice to him.

He talked about how the Lord told him that he was perfect. Not that he was literally flawless, but that the way God created him and the way God sees him is PERFECT. This is what he says God spoke to him:

  

"When you were born, Sam, you were PERFECT. You came into this world exactly the way that I wanted you to be, because I don’t make mistakes. You looked exactly the way that I wanted you to look, and you had the heart and mind that I wanted you to have. You were perfect in every way.

And then the world and the enemy polluted your mind and robbed you of the perfectness that I created in you. You were still perfect in My eyes, but you lost sight of it in yours. You forgot. It’s time to remember who you are, how you were made, and to begin walking out the plans that I have for you" (www.theseedofhope.com)

How powerful. "Its time to remember who you are, how you were made, and to begin walking out the plans I have for you."

A few months ago, my roommate, Brooke, told me, "You haven't changed, Kasey, you've simply become who you really were all along." Who I really was all along was just buried under a lifetime of fear, doubts, guilt, shame, mistakes, and believing lies. I have become and am becoming the person that God originally had in mind when He created me.

I have come to the realization that I wear masks and keep walls around my heart and life so I won't get hurt.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, with the exception of my sister and her boyfriend, has seen my real personality. If you ask most people, they would say that I am quiet, reserved, shy and timid. Ha! That is not me at all. Its just the person I have been projecting out my whole life.

I started my hiding at 5 years old. I was an awesome 5 year old kid. Loud, crazy, and fun. Then I started school. And I stopped talking. My teacher thought I had some kind of speech impediment cause I never spoke. So began my hiding. My trying to please people and be what they wanted me to be.

I was talking to Sam tonight and telling him the realization that I've had and how nobody has seen my real personality. He says, "Not even me? Really??" Here's the thing about Sam. Someway, somehow, he knows me better than literally everyone else. He can read my mail like nobody's business. Its great. I love it. But there is really nothing I can hide. 

He says, "Girl, you can try to tell me that all you want, but you know its not true. I always knew you were hiding under a mask and the person you projected to be wasn't really you. I've always known you were crazy. I knew you were a freak and you have this crazy, weird, wild side inside you that you never let anyone see. Whenever I'd do something and you'd grin and shake your head, you were thinking, 'My God he's a freak...but I'm the same way, I just can't let anyone know that.' I know who you really are even though you have never let it out."

Seriously? Its ridiculous how well he knows me. Even things I've never told him, he knows.

I'm done hiding. I'm done not letting people see my true colors. There is no reason to hide behind a mask.

Romans 9:20 says, "But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”

I'm not this shy, quiet, timid person that everyone thinks I am. I'm loud. I'm crazy. I'm fun. I can be really obnoxious. I do weird things. I dance around the house like nobody is watching. I sing opera in my car, no matter what song is playing. I make awesome animal noises. I have an awesome sense of humor and can be super quick and witty when I have someone to banter with. I always want to talk to somebody. I don't care who. I love talking with people and sharing my opinion and heart with them. I hate that the enemy has kept me silent for so long, no more. My sister's boyfriend got me hopped up on caffeine the other night, and honestly, that was the most "me" I have ever been. Its fun being me.

I am enough. Its good enough for me to be just me. Just Kasey. I can be me because God made me just the way He wanted, and He sees me as perfect.Who am I to deny what He created just to make people happy? I don't care what people think, I really don't. There's no reason to. If people don't want to be around me because of my fire for God or my crazy weird personality, I'm okay with that. I can finally say that I am secure in who I am.

I make the best monkey noise ever. And I'm not ashamed of it.

you walk with me through fire, and heal all my disease.

If you have been following my quaint little blog for any amount of time, you probably know that I have been through the wringer medically the past 8 months.

I had surgery in October to remove a tennis ball cyst from my ovary.

I was told the cysts wouldn't come back. They did. They do. All the time.

They grow, they rupture. They grow, they rupture. Its a sick cycle. I miss a period about every 3 months and have abnormal bleeding. The pain never fully goes away. My doctor didn't seem interested in trying to figure out what is wrong or helping me.

I decided to get a second opinion. The only problem was that I dropped my insurance and am still trying to pay off $3,000 worth of medical bills from my last hospital stay.

I've been searching for an answer or a way to milk the system since I got back to Colorado.

Last night I stumbled upon the fact that there is a women's clinic Dream Center in town. I decided to check it out and found that treatment there is completely free.

I went in today to inquire about getting an appointment.

The man at the front desk says that they are booked until August.

Okay. "When in August?" I asked.

August 25th.

Well junk. I'm moving back to Alabama on August 14th.

I asked if there was anything before then. He asked if I had an urgent or pressing condition or concern. I explained my situation and all that has been going on and expressed my fears and frustrations.

The woman sitting next to him starts looking through the schedule and says, "Oh. We had a cancellation today. We'll see you in 45 minutes."

Can you say JESUS?!

Unfortunately today was one of those days where I rolled out of bed, threw my hair up in a bun, put on sweats and went to class. I took no care to my appearance at all. So I had to speed home and take the fastest shower of my life. I ain't seeing no women's doctor without a shower. Ha!

So I go back and give the woman at the desk my drivers license and she says, "Any relation to Kellen?" What? Yeah. He's my brother. She told me how they see him like family and go way back, both her daughters are friends with my brothers, and they both did 24/7 in Alabama. I told her that I'm in 24/7 in Alabama. Small world, huh?

So I went in and went through all the routine vitals, "why are you here?", medical history, "are you pregnant?", "could you possibly be pregnant?" questions and routine. I've gotten used to it. Ha!

She decided to do a full exam and she said that as far as she could tell, everything is normal right now and she couldn't feel any enlarged organs or issues. She also said she wasn't able to completely reach the end so its possible she couldn't feel if there was anything. Good news is she said I don't have to deal with getting another one until I get married!

So I am going back in 3 weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. She said that the ultrasound will be an extensive look at my organs and that will tell them what is going wrong, show any abnormalities, diagnose PCOS/Endometriosis/whatever the heck else it could be. After that she's going to sit down with me and we're going to discuss treatment options and the best way to manage my cysts.

This doctor actually cared to listen to me, about my concerns, and wants to help me manage and get this junk under control. She was so nice, gentle, understanding and sympathetic. A complete contrast to my doctor in Birmingham. He's great...just too clinical and by the book. And he's a man.

I will write as soon as I get a diagnosis or further information and my treatment plan.

If you read this, I ask that you would be praying for me. One, I need healing. I believe God can heal me. Two, when I go back that my doctor would be able to come up with the best plan to fix me and that God would give her wisdom and insight. Three, I still need God to provide the money to pay off my old medical bills so the debt collectors will quit hounding me. Thank you so much! 

This all just shows me how much God is my provider, sustainer, healer, and how He cares about everything in our lives. He wants the best for us.

This is the biggest blessing in the world. I'm so happy He is finally working all of this together for my good. And all the treatment I am getting at this place is completely FREE. Such a big deal!

All He asks is that we ask Him and simply trust that He is good and He will come through.

enthusiasm: being possessed by God.

Have you ever thought, there's got to be more to life than just this?

Me too. Many times. I'm in this season right now that feels like an in-between, waiting season. But the thing is, I can't approach life as a waiting season just because I'm not where I feel I belong or where my heart is. I've spent the past month wishing I were in Alabama, instead of here in Colorado. I wake up thinking about Alabama, and go to sleep thinking about Alabama. I've complained about how much I miss it, how much I dislike Colorado, how boring and melancholy my life is here...and then conviction hit me like a brick.

My sister called me over to the computer to show me something.

Dictionary. The word: Enthusiasm. 

The meaning: "absorbing or controlling possession of the mind by any interest or pursuit; lively interest."

Here's what sticks out about this word. 

The original meaning:    

1570–80;  < Late Latin enthūsiasmus  < Greek enthousiasmós,  equivalent to enthousí: "possession by a god, having a god within,  god-possessing."

Does that get you like it got me? 

To be enthusiastic about something is the equivalent of being possessed, consumed by God.  

If we have the Holy Spirit within us, we are possessed by God and His Spirit within us. 

If we are possessed by God's Spirit, our lives should be lived enthusiastically. In every moment. In every season. High and low. Good and bad. 

If we're not approaching life with excitement, joy and enthusiasm...what are we doing? 

We need to seize every moment we're given. Taking it to the fullest opportunity fulfillment level possible. 

I've recently found the freedom of being myself around other people. I've lived my entire life hiding beneath a mask and pretending to be something and someone I'm not. I'm not this quiet, shy, timid girl that most people would describe me as. I'm loud, fun, crazy, weird, and absolutely nuts. The other night we had a bunch of people over and I was hanging around my sister and her boyfriend, and for the first time in my life, I was completely comfortable being myself. Making animal noises. Stupid jokes. Sharing my insights. Telling my stories. Poking playful verbal banter and sarcasm that I have always kept in my mind. Completely myself. And it was enough to be me. Just Kasey. No masks. No hiding. 

I've decided that life is too short to hide behind a mask. 

I have the God of the Universe living inside of me. Passion and zeal for Him consumes my heart. I am possessed by His Spirit. Each day needs to be a new adventure, full of enthusiasm for His Name and for this life He has given me. 

When I gave my life to Jesus and told Him that I would follow Him wherever He wanted to take me, I meant it. No matter how hard, uncomfortable or homesick I get...I will follow Jesus wherever He takes me. And He has brought me back to Colorado for this season. I want to make the most of it. I know He has things planned out for me here, and people that need to be exposed to the Jesus inside of me and everything that He has done in my heart and life this past year. I'm going to look at the next two months with enthusiasm and anticipation for what God has for me here. And then I get to go home. Until then, I will live content and at peace with where He has me. 

I might feel alone here. But God is with me each day. His hand in mine. And He reminds me everyday when He paints the most glorious sunsets. He is the perfect Romancer.  

 

never too dirty

Acts 9:11-16

I don't know about you, but there have been a lot of times in my life where I think to myself, “God could never use me after all that I've done, all I've been through, how dirty and stained my life has been.” But the truth is, God doesn't use perfect people. There are no perfect people. In fact, God delights in using people that are weak, broken, stained, messed up...because they could never take credit for it and the glory will have to go back to Him. He doesn't care what you've done, where you've been, where you are, He just wants to use you to bring fame to His Name. There was a guy in the Bible named Saul. Saul was the ultimate religious pharisee, and he hated Christians. He did everything in his power to make sure the Christians could not spread their message throughout the land, including severe persecution to the point of murder. One day, Jesus appeared to Saul on a dirt road, shining brighter than the sun, and Saul was blinded for three days. In Acts 9, God speaks to a disciple named Ananias and tells him to go pray for Saul to receive his vision once again. He protested because he knew of the persecution, but God says in Acts 9:16, “Don't argue. Go! I have picked him as my personal representative to non-Jews and kings and Jews. And now I'm about to show him what he's in for—the hard suffering that goes with this job.” God knew Saul's past and present life, and yet He still CHOSE him to be His personal representative on the earth. That's a pretty important job. After this encounter, God changed Saul's name to Paul, and Paul spread the Gospel all over the earth and wrote over two thirds of the New Testament. We all know about Paul, and Paul had a story. Do you really think God could use a murderer but He couldn't use you? God wants to give you a new name and use you and your story to spread His story. You just need a willing heart.

Challenge: Go before God and ask Him to show you what He created you to do. Repent for believing the lies of the enemy that say you aren't good enough. You are!

One Year Bible:

1 Kings 11:1-12:19

Acts 9:1-25

Psalms 131:1-3

Proverbs 17:4-5