Rude Awakening.

In a few previous posts, I wrote about a guy friend of mine whom I was convinced that I would marry one day. I have been in love with this guy for the past two years and just recently got the courage up to tell him. Well, I have been praying about this and asking God to give me a clear "yes" or "no" for quite some time now. This past week, He gave me an extraordinarily loud and clear "NO", that this is not the man that God has for me. Would you like to hear the story of how this came about? Well, listen up, I'll share a story with you.

About three weeks ago he was in Colorado for a weekend to pick me up to drive to Oklahoma, as I was going to visit him for a week. Well we were hanging out at his house one of the nights, watching movies, and then he kissed me. Immediately after he said "I've got to protect my and your hearts better than I've been doing. I'm not sure if I can be anything more than just a friend to you. If we are to proceed I want it to be so clearly lead by God that we can't ignore it." I was okay with that and agreed with him. Well, the entire 12 hours in the car, he barely talked to me at all. I spent the entire week by myself. Him and his family worked every single day, all day, until at least 7 or 9 p.m. They didn't leave me a key. There was barely any food in the apartment. So I had to hop the fence to get out of the apartment complex and walk to find food. The whole week he just made it incredibly awkward and weird. He barely talked to me, he didn't spend barely any time with me the whole week, and it felt like he was purposefully ignoring me. I wasn't shown any hospitality at all. I just did not feel welcome there at all, in fact, I felt quite unwanted. There are a few things that happened while I was there that I won't share, but they are upsetting.

I have been friends with this guy for nearly 4 years. I thought I knew him so well. I was wrong. All that I have ever known about him has been fake and a lie. I really discovered his true character during my stay in Oklahoma. I think that is what breaks my heart the most, is that I thought I knew him so well, when in reality I did not know him at all. Even had nothing happened between us, if you are a true friend, if you really love somebody and care about them, you do not, DO NOT, treat them that way. I loved that our relationship was based off of Christ and these amazing conversations about God and the Bible. Well, you can talk all you want, but talk is cheap, and ultimately it is about actions. Jesus said "You will know my disciples by their fruit." Talk is cheap if you aren't producing fruit. The Christian life ultimately comes down to two things: Love God. Love people. If you can't walk in love you aren't reflecting Christ.

He texted me and asked if I hated my time in Tulsa. I told the truth. I did hate my time I spent there. He basically made excuses for himself, denied responsibility, tried to push the blame off onto me, and did not apologize for anything that had happened the whole week. From that conversation I can see so clearly that he does not care about my heart, my emotions, or about me at all. He has and never had any intentions of protecting my heart, only made empty promises. The truth is, I don't even care if I stay friends with this person anymore.

I am looking at this as a lesson learned. I learned that he is not the man God has for me. I saw his true character. And I see that it could have been so much worse, that he could have done a lot more damage had he continued to play with my emotions and lie to me. I now know that God was protecting me and guarding me from being severely damaged. I am so thankful to my sweet Jesus for hiding me in His heart and keeping me from harm. Now I can move on and know that God has someone so so so so so so so much more incredible for me, down the road, in His timing.